NanoCar (The Glass House 16/11/05)

Scientists at Rice University have made the world’s smallest car. Oddly enough, scientists at Car University have made the world’s largest rice.

Texan scientists have built a “nano-car” made out of a single molecule. The car is three-billionths of a metre across. (Sumo wrestler voice) “Ahhh. Not so squeezy.”

And if you think that’s small, you should see the hatchback model.

It’s great for parking and has terrific fuel economy. But if you change gears too quickly you can cause a nuclear explosion.

The nano-car is designed to move atoms around. Until now, the poor little atoms have had to walk.

You can fit 20,000 of the cars on the width of one human hair. I thought I had nits, but it turned out I had peak hour.

The worst part about having a nanoscopic car is dealing with the nanoscopic windscreen cleaner dudes at the nanoscopic traffic lights. It’s hard trying to find small change when a five cent piece is the size of Jupiter.

The team is also working on an engine that runs on light. But unfortunately if you turn on your high beams it blows up.

The next stage of the process is to shrink Peter Brock.

The next stage is to invent nanoscopic parking inspectors.

Next, the scientists are planning to invent something useful.

If they could shrink you down small enough to drive it, they could inject you into your own bloodstream and you could drive all the way into your own brain! Cool!

Of course, it doesn’t come with air-con, airbags, ABS brakes, a CD plater, doors, seats or an ENGINE – but gee, it’s small!

I’m worried though. How much easier will it be for nanobots to conquer the world if we give them cars?!

I bought one of those nanocars actually. Just can’t remember where I parked it…

The car does have problems; it takes 8 hours to cross a fingernail. It takes 900 years just to do the shopping.

The car has a top speed of 0.00000000005 k per hour, but the turbo model goes at a whopping 0.00000000006.

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