Categories
Good News Week

Lying Tattoo Face (GNW 29/6/09: What’s the Story?)

An 18-year-old Belgian girl has claimed that, rather than tattooing three stars on her cheek, a tattooist tattooed 56 stars on her face while she slept. Hey, look, she may not have liked it at first, but a 56-star-tatt is bound to help her if she wants to join Heaven’s Angels.

She claims she just slept through it all. Well, certainly, whenever some stranger’s jabbing my face repeatedly with a loudly buzzing needle, I get ever-so sleepy.

She claims she just slept through it all. And, in his defence, the tattooist has claimed that so did he.

It’s not a big deal, she’ll just sleep through the laser-removal too.

It’s lucky she woke up when she did, or she might have no face left.

She decided to sleep through the pain of having three stars tattooed on her face. Yet she kept sleeping through the extra 53. I’m sure that once you start dreaming of red hot needles jabbing your cheekbone you just never want to wake up.

Fortunately she was able to wake herself up by pinching her arm.

The truth is, she was so in awe of her tattooist that she let him do whatever he wanted. And now she’s paying for those stars in her eyes.

That tattooist has been waiting all his career for a sleeping customer to tattoo extra stars on. Now at least he can retire contented.

You can see what the tattooist would get out of it. I mean, sure, it ruins his livelihood and reputation, costs him a fortune in fighting the lawsuit, involves twenty times as much work as he’s being paid for – but those stars do look quite pretty.

The woman is really pissed off. She wanted her face covered in swastikas!

The woman, from Belgium, has claimed that she slept through the tattooing of 56 stars on her face. But I think that’s just Belgian waffle.

The tattooist is completely covered from head to toe in elaborate tatts. But he’s a very heavy sleeper.

A witness backed up everything the tattooist said. So long as he promised to stop tattooing her face with stars.

That “falling asleep to avoid the pain” skill ought to really save on the anaesthetic during open heart surgery.

She paid for all 56 stars. Sure, she says she didn’t want them, but she didn’t want an argument to get in the way of a lengthy legal battle.

The tattoo artist says the problems only began when the girl’s father and boyfriend saw the tattoos. It wasn’t nearly as disfiguring as they were hoping. / Even after 56 stars, you could still make out her face.

She claims it was all a misunderstanding. That wasn’t the cheek she meant.

The girl admits she had seen the design on her face in the mirror. But she’d gotten confused by the way it was all backwards like that.

Obviously she hadn’t heard the old adage: if you’re going to get 56 stars tattooed onto your face, sober up.

It’s not the first time the tattooist has gone overboard. Last time, he gave a guy a tattoo of a mermaid that was the size of an actual mermaid. / gave a guy a tattoo that said “MUM” that covered 98 % of his body.

She says she wouldn’t’ve been so distracted from the facial tattooing if it wasn’t for the guy sticking 20 steel rings through her clit.

The tattooist has compromised and offered that, if she removes the facial tattoos, he’ll pay for half. The half without tattoos.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

Leave a Reply