Artists are Prats (cut from The Glass House 23/11/05)

A Melbourne Uni study has found that creative people tend to have schizo-type personalities. Funny, I don’t feel schizo. Yes I do!

In one test, non-artists usually said bricks could be used for building, whereas artists tended to come up with more creative uses, such as throwing it through a window. “Creative” in this instance meaning “destructive”.

In one test, non-artists usually said bricks could be used for building, whereas artists tended to come up with more creative uses, such as throwing it through a window. It’s the only way most of them can afford to eat.

Writers were the most neurotic and disagreeable. It may or may not have anything to do with the fact that their job usually involves being cooped up by themselves making up fantasy worlds in their head.

Writers were the most neurotic and disagreeable. We asked “The Glass House”‘s writers what they thought of this result but the best they could agree on was “Get lost!”

Writers are more neurotic, performance artists are more narcissistic, and Scientologists are just plain old mad.

Hopefully we won’t lock up all the slightly mad writers. You’d end up with great novels like “Bruce Gets A Beer”, “Karen Goes To The Shops” and “Telly’s Good This Week”.

The psychologist in charge on the study suggested that unusual viewpoints might be a catalyst for creativity. For instance Van Gogh would never have painted those lovely daffodils if he hadn’t have cut off his ear. If you can’t see the link you’re just not looking!

There’s a fine line between creativity and mental illness. Although personally I think it’s all you normals that are the mentally ill ones. You normals and your damn psychic robot bugs… (flap arms wildly) GET ‘EM OFF ME! GET ‘EM OFF ME!

The study has found that most people are uncreative bores…

Writers spend all their time making up imaginary people and making them do things… of course they’re crazy!

But it turns out that the craziest people of all were those who pay the writers to lie to them, pay the painters to visualise what doesn’t exist, and paid me for writing this joke!! Haha!

This is why we so desperately need these new sedition laws! At last we can lock up all those crazy artists before they kill people!

We don’t want these schizo artists running around free: (Hands up) “No! Stop! Don’t paint!”

Suddenly, Ken Done makes sense! He’s completely mad!

Now to get an Arts Grant, you have to first be certified insane.

You should see Crazy John’s artwork. He’s the next Michaelangelo.

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