(The Glass House 23/11/05)

A new website,, suggests that everyone should whack off to create stop war by creating a feeling of goodwill. Their motto is “we cum in peace”.

Many celebrities have joined in the cause: Mrs Palmer and her five daughters, the Purple-headed Bishop, the Gusset Typists, and the One-Eyed Trouser Snake.

It’d be great if our PM masturbated thinking of peace for a change; he usually thinks of Bush.

I don’t think it’ll work: Bush and Howard declared war even though they’re already such wankers.

I don’t think it’ll work: Bush actually was wanking when he declared war.

But the world’s biggest wankers are the ones sending other people off to war!

The power of wanking to end war is well known. World War 2 only finally ended when Hitler spent a minute in the toilet, only to emerge to tell everyone he’d made a terrible mistake.

If only all the terrorists and soldiers in the Middle East could just get together and shake hands. With beef.

The website features over 600 bumper sticker slogans. Here are our favourites…
(and these are all really on the site)

I’m going blind for mankind
War is out, pound your trout
Touch your sack, not Iraq
Slap the salami, not Saddam-i
Forget Baghdad, Empty Your Dad-Bag
I love the smell of mypalm in the morning
It’s better to pull it than to shoot a bullet
Jism Heals The Schism
Make war fail, leave a snail trail
Masturbate in groups to bring back our troops
Masturbate, don’t detonate
Play with your penis, let peace be between us
Punish your beast not the middle east
Quit the combat, stroke your wombat!
Wanks not Tanks
Shoot your jizz, not Tariq Aziz.
Stop world collapse – caress your flaps
To Win Against Dubya, Get Down and Rubya
Control your anger… pluck your twanger!
Fo’ shizzle, I’d rather drizzle than go and kizzle
Jism, not terrorism
We shall over cum!
My bush doesn’t declare war
Not in my name, in my palm
Don’t Wag the Dog, Flog the Log

But don’t listen to them! It’s an al Qaeda trick to make us all blind!

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