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Good News Week

Opening gags (Good News Week 11/2/08)

WE HAVE RETURNED! I know what you’re thinking. That man McDermott: what an ego! But you know what? My show might be back from the dead but you don’t hear me claiming we’re the sons of God. Although, we DO bring you the Good News! We’re back! And just like that other joker who rose […]

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Good News Week

Good Next Week (Good News Week 11/2/08: closing)

As part of Japan’s Hadaka Matsuri, or Naked Festival, flights from Germany will be very popular / half-price. Feb. 15 is Hadaka Matsuri (the Naked Festival) in Japan. A load of German naturists will be arriving by plane, and will be horrified that the Japanese wear loincloths. Feb. 15 is Hadaka Matsuri (the Naked Festival) […]

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Good News Week

Rudd in da house (Good News Week 11/2/08: monologue)

Tomorrow is the first day of Parliament – or, as the Coalition’s calling it, “Revenge of the Nerds”! Tomorrow is the first day of Parliament for the new Rudd Government. It’s a modern new-look Parliament: a female Deputy PM, several ministers under 50, and Mr Speaker has been replaced by Mr iPod. / Mr Earbud. […]

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Good News Week

A hug for Valentines (Good News Week 11/2/08: monologue)

A new fake survey has claimed that people want hugs, not flowers and chocolates, for Valentine’s Day. Proving that it is, indeed, a fake survey. A new survey has found that the most wanted gift for Valentine’s Day is a hug and a kiss. Florists and supermarkets are working out ways that they can charge […]

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Good News Week

Logies not quite as rigged as usual (Good News Week 11/2/08: monologue)

The Logies is undergoing an extreme makeover, meaning voters no longer have to have a copy of TV Week to vote. However, given the list of nominees, they still need to have a TV Week authorised brain. / However, you won’t know who the nominees are unless you already buy TV Week. While you no […]

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Good News Week

Trendy Rehab (Good News Week 11/2/08: What’s the Story?)

With so many celebrities checking into rehab, local rehab centres are being inundated with calls. People are also wondering if they can get a treatment program that matches their shoes. Rehab centres believe high profile rehab stints by celebs like Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse are behind the surge in enquiries. Because rehab has worked […]

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Good News Week

The Ruddy Dozen (Good News Week 11/2/08: What’s the Story?)

PM Kevin Rudd is organising a summit of the country’s varied experts to help generate 12 great ideas for the future of the country. Coz he’s totally out. / Because he only had one idea, and that was to rhyme his name with “07”. Kevin Rudd is hoping his “Future Summit” will produce 12 good, […]

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Good News Week

Premiers are Grand Pricks (Good News Week 11/2/08: Bites)

NSW Premier Morris Iemma reckons Sydney is a better place than Melbourne for putting Australia on the world map. But let me tell you all, I saw a world map recently and guess what? Australia’s already there. NSW Premier Morris Iemma reckons Sydney should take the Grand Prix, as it’s a better place than Melbourne […]

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Good News Week

The Adventures of Gothdog (Good News Week 11/2/08: Strange But True)

British Goth Tasha Maltby was shocked when a bus driver told her “We don’t let freaks and dogs like you on” – just because she was being led on a leash by her fiancée. Plus she was trying to argue that pets travel free. The bus driver later apologised, but said he just wasn’t sure […]

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Good News Week

Naked Germans on a Plane (Good News Week 11/2/08: Strange But True)

Naked Germans can now fly, unencumbered by annoying clothing. And their clothing can be transported in a separate plane, unencumbered by fat sweaty Germans. Of course a nude flight is potentially more exposing than a nude beach. Rolling over to hide an unwanted erection could just make things worse, depending on who you roll into. […]

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Good News Week

Livin’ on Carcasses and Dirt (Good News Week 11/2/08: So You Think You Can Mime)

A Canadian man trapped under his quad bike for 96 hours survived by wearing and eating rotting beaver carcasses. All that and more in the new series: Survivor: Beaver Carcasses! The guy’s very lucky. In some parts of the world, beaver carcass is considered a great delicacy. He even tried eating one of the beaver […]

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Good News Week

Junkie Whitening (Good News Week 11/2/08: So You Think You Can Mime)

A US thief was arrested after trading four boxes of teeth-whitening strips for heroin. Police are still trying to catch the dealer, said to be a thick-set, swarthy man with a winning smile. The dealer uses so many strips at once, the police are looking for a man who glows in the dark. Somewhere, a […]