Month: August 2009

The Defence Dept. is calling for design submissions for the navy’s next generation of submarine, to replace its Collins Class boats. And this time, they’re even going to LOOK at them. Ah, the Collins Class – the underwater capability of a sack full of kittens, with the good looks of a dugong. But at least […]

There were claims Australian GPs are hosting Botox parties for female patients. It may be a breach of ethics, but it sure reduces the seven signs of aging! The parties have door prizes donated by cosmetic surgery companies – and you should see the pinata! The parties have door prizes donated by cosmetic surgery companies, […]

The newest reality series? Find a new NRL star! The show will be called “NRL Dream”, as the NRL weren’t so rapt with the original title “MasterMoron”. / “MasterThug”. / “MasterMeathead”. / “MasterRapist”. The contestants have to abseil down a bridge, box Anthony Mundine, and pull an Airbus. Clearly, the makers of the show have […]

Michael Jackson is buried in an unmarked plot at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Hollywood. The exact location is being kept secret so fans don’t descend on the cemetery & damage or deface the grave. See – told you he wasn’t dead. Michael Jackson is buried in an unmarked plot at Forest Lawn Memorial Park […]

Australia’s top botanist says Australia should dump the “European mentality” & make up our own seasons. I suggest we have just 2: “Beanies” and “Budgiesmugglers”. / “Indoors” and “Out”. Dr. Tim Entwhistle argues we have at least 5 seasons. So we should name them after the Daddos. Dr. Tim Entwhistle argues we have at least […]

N.S.W. police have warned pedestrians who listen to iPods or text while crossing the road that they could be fined or even jailed if they cause an accident. Because copping a fine will really teach them a lesson that being hit by a car didn’t. / Because jail time will teach you a lesson that […]

Burma’s military leaders, the men who put the “junt” in junta, sentence democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi to a further 18 months of house arrest after yet another sham trial. Hello? Coalition of the Willing, anyone? HELLO?? It was a sham trial. Although, granted, at least the guns were real. Of course the elections […]

100,000 North Koreans performed synchronised moves as part of the country’s biggest propaganda spectacle ever. It’s a Kim Jong-Spectac-il! 100,000 North Koreans performed synchronised moves as part of the country’s biggest propaganda spectacle ever. Even bigger than the spectacles he normally wears. So now, any job that requires thousands of people dancing will be completed […]

The Australian Communications and Media Authority is considering new protections for minors and guidelines for radio “pranks” thanks to Kyle and Jackie O’s hilarious rape-detector segment. Typical – one idiotic mother grills her teenager and now we all have to miss out on the hilarity of gotcha calls! Radio laws are being looked into as […]

A youth group is calling for an end to casual sex. They want it to be full-time. A youth group is calling for an end to casual sex. They want all sex to be really uptight. / to be performed in dinner jackets and spats. / to have a dress code. They’re called Restoring Integrity […]