Kevin Rudd’s getting himself a hi-tech war-room! The 34.9 million dollar room will feature up-to-date intelligence, communications, mapping technology, and a direct line to Obama’s phone, so he has someone who can tell him what to do. / someone to listen to his panicked sobbing. Kevin Rudd has installed a hi-tech “war room” close by […]
Month: October 2009
Canberra Witches! They’re like regular witches, but cold, grey and boring! / but way more bureaucratic. / but only cast spells a few months a year. After the discovery of a blood-spattered concrete slab at Mt Ainslie, Catch the Fire Ministries pastor Danny Nalliah has called for spiritual warfare against Canberra witches. Whoever wins, Canberra […]
According to a new survey, Spanish men are the best in bed. Well, there’s nothing else to do there. / Well, no wonder – the bastards get a siesta. Australian blokes came 7th. Which is preferable to coming first. I’m glad we’re only 7th. It’s just rude to come first. In a survey of women’s […]
Australian molecular biologist Dr Elizabeth Blackburn has won the Nobel prize for medicine for her study of chromosome-protecting enzymes in cells. “Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi oi oi! Chromosome-protecting… enzymes…” She has won the Nobel prize for Discoverer of the Most Chromosome-Protecting Enzymes. Believe it or not, she was the only nominee. Dr Blackburn was dropped […]
The World Masters Games in Sydney are weighing up the difficult decision of what drugs can be permissible, to ensure, in the words of one games consultant, that athletes aren’t “carking out on us”. Yeah, carking out athletes are such a pain to administrate. Games consultant Nicki Vance said “We don’t want people carking out […]
North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-il told Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao that they might be ready to return to six-party talks if progress is made on bilateral talks with Washington. He REALLY wants to meet Obama. / He just really wants to get Obama’s autograph. The South Korean government says the North has cholera, yellow fever, […]
The Liberal Party are looking to ditch Malcolm Turnbull and install Joe Hockey as their leader, as part of their committed policy of “everyone gets a go”. With the Liberals in disarray over what to do about the emissions trading scheme, they’re going to replace Malcolm with Joe, someone who essentially believes exactly what Malcolm […]
The Hey Hey Reunion is in hot water over a Red Faces skit featuring a blackfaced Jackson Five impersonation. But that’s the great thing about Hey Hey, it takes us all back to a time before political correctness, sensitivity and brains. It’s appalling. Michael was never THAT black. Who’d think that in this day and […]
Australia has become the world’s first major economy to lift interest rates since the financial crisis. Another 16 rate rises and we’ll be fully recovered! Australia has become the world’s first major economy to lift interest rates since the financial crisis. We don’t care if it’s good or bad – we just wanna be first. […]
Somali pirates on two lightweight skiffs in the Indian Ocean stormed the French navy’s 18,000 tonne flagship. They’d obviously heard about the French navy’s fighting abilities. Somali pirates on two lightweight skiffs in the Indian Ocean stormed what they thought was a cargo vessel, only to discover it was the French navy’s 18,000 tonne flagship. […]