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Good News Week

Kick out Kiwis (GNW 23/11/09: A Thousand Words)

Government MP Kelvin Thomson has suggested Australia’s population growth is best tackled by cutting immigration from New Zealand.  That way no-one can accuse them of racism. Government MP Kelvin Thomson has suggested Australia’s population growth is best tackled by cutting unchecked immigration from New Zealand.  Because they’re certainly not asylum seekers – unless they’re just […]

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Good News Week

GNW Award Nominations: Sauce Bottle for Politics

Kevin Rudd, for his $42 billion stimulus package.  A lot of people got Pink Batts they didn’t need, a lot of schools got buildings they didn’t need,a lot of Aboriginal people got nothing, & our childrengot a deficit they can pass on to their children. But hey, they can’t vote. Kevin is glad we avoided […]

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Good News Week

Sex amnesia (GNW 23/11/09: Strange But True)

An American woman suddenly developed amnesia while having sex with her husband.  The woman, known only as Alice, hopes one day to remember her surname. Neurologists say sex-triggered amnesia is quite common, and usually develops after an orgasm.  Ladies – be careful what you wish for. She was taken to the hospital by her husband.  […]

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Good News Week

Papal Aliens (GNW 23/11/09: Strange But True)

The Vatican is holding its first ever conference on alien life.  Apart from all the ones about the freaky floaty aliens from planet Heaven. Of course, alien life would make many of the stories in the bible finally make sense.  All those ‘angels’ and ‘heavenly spirits’ – they’re aliens.  And all those smitings – PEOW […]

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Good News Week

GNW Award Nominations: Sauce Bottle for Religion

Pope Benedict the 16th & his pals at the Vatican, for posing this question on International Women’s Day: “In the 20th century, what contributed most to the emancipation of western women?”  And their answer?  The washing machine. After all, even emancipated women need nice clean undies. After all, if you’re going to burn your bra […]

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Good News Week

Poor Kyle (GNW 23/11/09: The Solid Gold Sauce Bottle)

It’s about time everyone laid off Kyle.  Talk about a persecuted minority!  (There’s only one of him!) How was he to know?  In his house, making light of underage rape is just a bit of innocent fun! He really just had no idea other people would think he was being offensive.   I mean, who DOESN’T […]

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Good News Week

Good Next Two Months (GNW 23/11/09: closing)

Tuesday, November 24 Robbie Williams will start his promotional tour.  Robbie who?  See, that’s why he needs a promotional tour. Robbie Williams will start his promotional tour.  I loved him as Mork.  Nanu Nanu! Robbie Williams will start his promotional tour.  If enough people still remember him, he’ll think about doing a tour containing, you […]

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Good News Week

Eat Pets for Planet (GNW 16/11/09: monologue)

The true eco-menace has been revealed – cats and dogs.  A pet dog has an eco-pawprint double that of the average Land Cruiser.  And you don’t have to pick up a Land Cruiser’s droppings. Of course, this idea isn’t new.  You’d already know that dogs are toxic if you’ve ever smelt one fart. But dogs […]

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Good News Week

FBI for Kids! (GNW 16/11/09: monologue)

The FBI have introduced a page on their website for kids!  Unfortunately it’s not a secure site. I guess catching bin Laden was getting a bit hard.  But at least now they can colour him in! You can learn about how the FBI works, how they take evidence, and all sorts of exciting things about […]

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Good News Week

Cash-strapped terror (GNW 16/11/09: monologue)

The US claims that al-Qaida is facing a financial crisis.  Aren’t we all. / If only we weren’t facing one at the same time. / Which is lucky, otherwise with the West’s financial crisis we wouldn’t stand a chance. The US claims that al-Qaida is facing a financial crisis.  So now they’re ALL living in […]