Tues, April 22 Tuesday’s Earth Day will precipitate 364 days of trashing the place. Tuesday is Earth Day. Unfortunately, there’s still no day for Uranus. To celebrate Earth Day, Queenslanders will pound amphibians with cudgels. To celebrate Earth Day, aliens have prepared a really big meteorite to chuck at that Bosnian guy. Tomorrow our tormented […]
Month: April 2008
A man described as Australia’s biggest nerd has had a microchip, which automatically opens his front door, injected into his left arm. Unfortunately when the system breaks down he has to have his arm replaced. / he has to call an armsmith. / an arms dealer. A man described as Australia’s biggest nerd has had […]
Scientists have invented an “intelligent” pair of glasses that help people remember where they left things and recognise faces. Now if only I could remember where I put them… They’re aimed at helping people with dementia feel that little bit more like freaks. The glasses could revolutionise the lives of people suffering from memory problems […]
According to the US military, Iraqi prisoners of war are choosing to stay in captivity to complete their studies. And they actually love the regular beatings! Turns out most of the Iraqi insurgency are actually only in it for the educational opportunities. And they’re not being tortured – it’s just corporal punishment. And not only […]
Italian police are hunting for a rogue hypnotist who’s been hypnotising cashiers and bank tellers into handing over cash. He’s becoming more daring, in the last bank job stealing over $1300 and turning the teller into a chicken. In all cases, the cashiers don’t realise anything’s wrong until they discover there’s money missing from the […]
A repeat offending drunk-driver refuses to appear in court or speak to lawyers because he believes he is God. He first suspected it when he woke up one morning and everything was void and without form. The Courier Mail’s report on the incident included the line “Howarth genuinely believed he was God, pictured“. Well there […]
To get around a ban on smoking, Minnesota bars are renaming into “theatres”, with their staff and customers as “actors”. Throwing up in the toilets is known as “fluffing your lines”. / “giving a bad review”. The smoking ban doesn’t apply to theatrical productions, so the pubs renaming themselves is the easiest way of stopping […]
A party-goer choked to death during a contest to see who could eat the most fairy cakes. But on the plus side, he won! A party-goer choked to death on 5 fairy cakes during an eating competition. Poor guy, he didn’t even win. The winner choked to death on 7 fairy cakes. The death was […]
Doritos are planning to beam an ad into space, to a solar system 42 light years away. Obviously Earth-trade is not what it once was. This is the dumbest idea ever. Don’t they know aliens prefer CC’s? / only eat pretzels? You’re never going to attract aliens with an ad for corn chips. Sour cream […]
New Zealand authorities busted a woman for brewing ginger beer. Police were called after security guards stumbled across what appeared to be an illegal drug lab, but it turned out to be for making non-alcoholic ginger beer. Top quality stuff – street value 200 bucks an ounce. A woman inside the house told police the […]