Good News Week

Punching Man (GNW 23/11/09: So You Think You Can Mime)

A Chinese man is renting himself to stressed women, as a punching bag.   Unlike a regular punching bag, you can see the pain!

A Chinese man is renting himself to stressed women, as a punching bag.   He was sick of getting the shit kicked out of him for free.

He’s renting himself out as a punching bag for women.   Unlike rugby league players, who prefer their women as punching bags.

He says he doesn’t mind being paid to be slapped around by fit young women.   In fact, sometimes, he pays them.

Women love the idea.   It’s so much more satisfying than sticking their husband’s photo on a normal punching bag.

Although women insist he dresses up as their husbands.

He’s doing it for his own fitness.   After leaving his abusive wife, he found he was just stacking on the kilos.

At $15 for 30 minutes, I don’t know how much work he’ll get.   After all, women can actually earn money beating up men. / After all, if they really wanted to punch someone, women could mug a stranger and make a bit of cash.

He charges $15 for 30 minutes.   Although after he’s been beaten up for 30 minutes, most customers have no difficulty taking their money back.

As well as making money, he can practice his self-defence skills and also get fit.   He’s hoping they knock the stuffing right out of him!

He hopes to get fit doing it, but I doubt it.   I’ve never seen a punching bag with toned abs. / All the punching bags I’ve ever seen have been fat and pasty, and just sit around doing nothing.

He says the best part is the spankings.

His punching bag service for women is much more popular than the one where he offers to be their horizontal bar. / pommelhorse.

It’s really only a stepping stone.   His real dream is of one day being able to afford an actual punching bag.

And if his punching bag service goes well, one day he hopes to be able to hire himself out as a rowing machine and a set of dumb-bells.

He just strings himself up in the middle of the room.   He looks like a Chinese Michael Hutchence.

He says it helps him practise his self-defence skills.   Or at least, his punch-absorbing skills. / Now come on, that’s just cheating.

It’s really just a ploy to meet women.   He figures if he starts out with getting the shit punched out of him, the only way is up!

He says it’s a lot better than his last job as cricket box.

He’s always been a fan of impersonating sporting equipment, ever since he was the automatic wikkie as a kid.

He’s only had two satisfied customers so far.   The rest weren’t so happy when he king-hit them.   (Must learn to control his reflexes.)

He also offers a service where instead of a punching bag, he acts like a vibrator.   Discount rates, ladies!

And for half price, you can just swear at him.

And for extra, you get the deluxe treatment.   Not only do you get to use him as a punching bag, but then you kick him out of the house, scream abuse at him, and tell all your girlfriends how shit he was in bed.

He’s just hoping being a punching bag will stop women taking it out on his medicine balls.

It helps him get fit.   He needs to be in best form for an upcoming knockout bout with his wife.

He’s really putting the fun back into domestic violence.

It’s so much more satisfying when your punching bag screams in agony.

He gets practice in self-defence.   And the customer gets to hear just how much damage they’re inflicting.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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