Glass House

Rogues’ Gallery (The Glass House 29/11/06)

Kerrie-On Dolphin
– Kerrie-Anne always let the dolphin have the first fish.
– Suddenly, Kerrie-Anne’s surfboard came to life!
– Good Morning Australia was originally going to be The Dolphin RodeoShow
– Kerri-Anne’s first marriage just didn’t work.
– A carefree creature who’s happy to work for fish, and a dolphin.
– It can squirt water from a hole in its head – and ride dolphins!
– Before GMA, Kerri-Anne had to ride the dolphin to work.
– Kerri-Anne was always in favour of alternative transport
– Kerri-Anne’s solution to global warming: everyone has to ride sea-mammals

Jessica & Eddie
– “Bone me – please, bone me!”
– Who Wants to be Boned
– They’ve been working on those smiles for weeks.
– “The only boning we’ll be doing is in bed!”
– The winners of the 2006 Hypocritical Smile awards
– An awkward moment when Eddie and Jessica brought the same smile.

Little John & Big Ted
– John Howard presents the new head of the ABC.
– Howard finally replaces the Treasurer.
– John and Janette celebrate another birthday.
– The ABC’s new anti-bias policy at work.
– ABC appoints new Head of Anti-Bias.
– Big Ted and Little Johnny
– Play School gets really scary
– Howard appealing to the younger voter
– Howard finally finds someone who’ll agree to nuclear power.
– Let’s see what’s through the Arched Square Window.
– Howard anoints his successor.
– Play School won’t be having any more of those “two mummies” stories.

Noel Gallagher & his Trooper
– “Fuck off, Darth.”
– “Up yours, Darth.”
– Oasis reject Darth Vader’s application for drummer.
– Villain in the next Star Wars film – Darth Gallagher.
– Oasis finally join the ‘70s.
– One of these people uses the force – the other is just on the sauce / the other uses pretty much everything else / the other uses whatever he can get his hands on.
– Oasis’ new look just not working.

– Phono.
– Phono Bono.
– Bono – phone home…
– “And if I place these phones over my eyes, world poverty disappears!”
– Bono explains how impoverished third world children could be turned into cyborgs.
– Bono smiled politely while Costello was talking, but really, his mind was elsewhere.
– Bono demonstrates what the Zargons look like.
– The new Mobile Bono.
– Bono can send text messages with his mind.
– Bono is so futuristic he can now only see through cameraphones.
– Bono could be a force for good if only he wasn’t such an incurable dickhead.
– Bono likes to be his own paparazzi.
– The cutting edge in mobiles – or, as he prefers it to be known, “the cutting Bono”.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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