Anti-terrorist police test
The CIA, the FBI and the LAPD are each asked to prove their capability of
apprehending terrorists. President Bush releases a white rabbit into a
forest and tells each agency to catch it.
The CIA goes first. It sends animal informants into the forest. They
question all plant and material witnesses. After three months ofintensive
investigations the CIA concludes rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads it bombs the forest,killing
everything, including the rabbit. It makes no apologies; the rabbit had it
coming, it insists.
The LAPD go in. They come out after just two hours with a badly beaten
bear.
The bear is sobbing, "OK, OK, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
John Howard hears about George jnr's idea and decides to test Australian
law enforcement agencies. He releases a white rabbit into Stromlo Forest,
near Canberra.
The National Crime Authority can't catch it but promises that if it gets a
budget increase it can recover $90 million in unpaid rabbit taxes and
proceeds of crime.
The Victorian police go in. They're gone only 15 minutes, returning with a
koala, a kangaroo and a tree fern, all three shot to pieces. "They looked
like dangerous rabbits and we acted in self-defence," they explain.
The NSW police go in. Surveillance tapes later reveal top-ranking officers
and rabbits dancing around a gum tree stoned out of their minds.
The Queensland police go in. They reappear driving a brand new
Mercedes,scantily clad rabbits draped all over them.
The WA police actually catch the white rabbit, but it inexplicably hangs
itself when the attending officer "slipped out momentarily" for a cup of
tea.
The SA and NT police join forces and beat the crap out of every rabbit in
the forest, except the white one. They know it is the black ones who cause
all the trouble.
The Australian Federal Police refuse to go in. It examines the
issues,particularly cost, and decides that because of low priority, high
overtime and the projected expense to the AFP as a whole, the matter should
be returned to the referring authority for further analysis.
ASIO goes into the wrong forest.
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