Quick thinkers
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he
opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not
your stub."
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Let's Go For Stupid
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am,
they're dead."
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Caught For Speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding,
rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied,
"Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped
laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
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Stuck Under A Bridge
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads "low bridge ahead."
Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck
under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his
hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
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Drunk?
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the
curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously
drunk."
The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."
Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."
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Walk
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and
walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to
a lecture."
The man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop
asked.
"My wife," said the man.
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