Send this on and we'll see if it works
Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and
deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual
activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal
electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion fucking
forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you
send them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer
brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes smoked by the
big bad men who kidnapped her and took pornographic pictures of
her for use on their child pornography web site will get 6
fucking cents every time you send me the letter. Do you honestly
believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you
send "his" email to $1000? How fucking stupid are you? Ooooh,
looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get
laid by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog! What a
bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU
to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to
send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter
leprechauns will come
into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing
the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to
this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes
it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World
Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck
them. If you're going to forward something, at least send
something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of
your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human
being will somehow receive a nickel from some 'omniscient being'"
forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little
intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to
by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1 (scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
Really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you
feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send
this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a
mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of
manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those
fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at
you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
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Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms,
no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could
be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will
be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy
from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of
counting letters sent and this is
all bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the
next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send
this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.
This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So
this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7
minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in
a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a
waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could
Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and
went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were
both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This
Could Happen To You!!!
Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send
this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 4
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one
of your friends.
Friends
-A friend is someone who is always at your side,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
-A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
-A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
-A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be thrown to vicious dogs,
-A friend is someone who scrubs yo toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry that's the cleaning lady,
-A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll be eaten by wild mutts!
_____________________
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