Glass House

The Muslim Election (The Glass House 29/11/06)

Former Liberal Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser has warned that next year’s federal election may be the “Muslim election” as the Government continues to ramp up the rhetoric on Islam. In 2001 it was children overboard, in 2004 it was keeping interest rates down, look out for 2007 being the year of Osamas under the bed.

Fraser’s afraid that fear of Muslims will be used much like the Tampa crisis to bolster support for the Coalition. There won’t be claims of children thrown overboard, but there could be the odd claim of scantily-clad women being left out as rape-bait.

But Australians have good reason to be afraid of Islamic terrorism. Now that Blair’s retiring and Bush is a lame duck, we’re the only country still 100% behind the Coalition of the Willing.

But how exactly is Howard planning to protect us from Islamists? By being best friends with George Bush? Yeah, way to douse the flames of hatred, Johnny.

In a nutshell, Howard’s way of confronting Islamic terrorism is to pick on the religion while waging war on them on the other side of the world. Yep, that should win their hearts and minds.

An Anglican leader said that the Government’s comments about Sheik al-Hilali were grossly inappropriate, and would not be tolerated if he were a Christian leader. That’s right, the Christians interfere in Government, not the other way around.

The Muslims are coming! What do we do? I’ve consulted The Bible but my copy stops before it gets to Islam!

There’s only one way to counter the Fundamentalist Muslim menace. Promise them that if they sign up for Aussie Values, they get at least seventy-three virgins in Heaven. And a beer fridge that never runs out.

Howard’s plans in the lead-up to the election include bombing a mosque or two and publishing a cartoon of Mohammad licking his own balls. That should get people nicely scared of terrorism.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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