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Glass House

Rogues Gallery (The Glass House 12/7/06)

Kim Beazley points out his head
– Kim Beazley squeezes the world’s biggest zit – his head.
– “Sure I’ve got a ticker – it’s this bit here, isn’t it?”
– Kim Beazley tries out his new stand-up comedy routine: “If you punched me here, I’d be the Opposition Bleeder! Eh? Eh?”
– “Hey voters! Here I am!”
– “Look! I do have a head.”
– “I’m fat, huh? Well, you pick your nose and eat it!”
– “Everyone, point to the leader of the party! It’s me!”
– “First person to point to the leader of the opposition gets a pay rise!”
– Beazley tries to turn his frown upside-down – manually.
– That’s better Kim – hold them there and people might think you’re smiling.

Alan Jones, high trousers and a vanity bag
– We had a really funny joke for this but we can’t broadcast it because the ABC board says it will result in a commercial loss.
– Alan Jones: still the king of style.
– Alan’s got good trousers for radio.
– Just one of the sensational pictures that caused the ABC board to can the Alan Jones book – Alan goes to the bathroom!
– Jones in toiletries shock!
– Don’t you dare suggest Alan’s gay or he’ll slap you with his handbags.
– I can’t see why anyone would ever suspect Alan Jones of doing anything gay.
– That pastel-coloured jumper draped round his neck is very heterosexual.
– Don’t call it a “dilly bag” or he’ll whack you with it.
– Gollum as an old man.

Costello meets the islanders
– Smiles all round before the “White devil with forked tongue” is sacrificed and eaten.
– Peter Costello in ceremonial dress.
– As usual, Costello fails to dress for the occasion.
– Solomon Islanders build scarecrow: scares away everything.
– John Howard forgets to mention it’s a one-way ticket.
– Howard’s plan works perfectly – “And don’t come back!”
– “Hurry up and take the photo before the nig nogs attack me!”
– “And he thinks we look funny!”
– Our Treasurer trades dollars for a small dead shrub.
– Solomon Island natives give Peter Costello the sacrificial bush of Nboto.

Princess Mary trampolining
– “…and that’s how we got pregnant!”
– Barefoot bogan claims she’s “really a princess”…
– After midnight, Princess Mary turns back into a bumpkin.
– Princess Mary pops one of Prince Harry’s special pills…
– Mary demonstrates the traditional dance of Tasmanian Bogan.
– You can take the girl out of Tasmania, but you can’t stop her being a bogan.
– Princess Mary gettin’ jiggy wid it.
– One day she hopes to be Dancing Queen…
– Princess Mary practises her moves for The Matrix 4.
– The new Matrix movie: The Matriarx!
– That Princess Mary – she’s so dignified, isn’t she?
– Princess Mary has a novel way of avoiding the paparazzi.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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