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Good News Week

Granny Doesn’t Drive (Good News Week 16/2/09: Strange But True)

A South Korean grandmother has failed her driving test for the 771st time. She’s going to keep trying – after all she’s bound to be better the older she gets.

By the time she gets her license, she’s going to be too old to drive.

She only wants her license so she can drive to shops for some milk and bread. She’s really hungry.

She’s just hangin’ to do some doughies. / burnouts.

She actually only wants the license so she can get into nightclubs. / so that she’s got ID. The bouncers are really strict in South Korea.

Man, when she finally gets that license, she’s gunna hoon like a motherfucker.

She’s really looking forward to getting that license. She wants to be a taxi driver when she grows up.

Her family really want her to get her licence too. Her daughter’s 40 years late for netball practise. / her daughter’s been waiting to get to netball practise for the last 40 years.

Her family really want her to get her licence too. Her son’s still waiting to be picked up from school.

A police sergeant supervising the test said it was a record-breaking number of attempts. As were her last 389. / 760.

A police sergeant supervising the test said it was a record-breaking number of attempts. The previous record holder just knew 770 wouldn’t be enough.

She’s absolutely desperate for her license to help with her business. And to get home.

She really wants to get her license. That pizza she ordered in 1983 is going to be getting cold.

She keeps failing the written component. Surely by now she’d have passed just by random chance.

She keeps failing the written component, where the pass mark is 60%. Though as it’s multiple choice, she knows random answers will eventually get her through.

You know what they say: 772’s a charm.

She’s taken the test almost every working day since 2005. She would’ve actually passed earlier, but she really enjoys the company.

The 68 year old sells food and household items door to door from a handcart, but is hoping to get a job as a driving instructor.

And she’s going to keep on failing the test until that test administrator agrees to go out with her.

She’s spent over $5000 on the tests, so can no longer afford a car.

Police estimate she’s spent almost six thousand bucks on the failed tests. So she can’t afford to give up now.

And once she finally passes, she’ll try for her motorbike license. / bus license.

Unfortunately if she ever passes, she still won’t be able to ride her motorbike.

She’s been taking the test almost every day for over three years. She only regrets not taking the test when she was young. She might have passed by now.

The supervisor said that she cannot pass the preliminary written section of the test. She’s got virtually no grasp of advanced calculus.

She’ll keep on failing that written component if she continues to insist that the steering wheel’s in the back seat.

It’s actually probably a good thing she keeps failing the written test. You don’t want her moving on to the practical.

Police sergeants supervising the test have been reluctant to let her pass ever since she drove through their front window.

She keeps failing the written component. Because she knows how to drive – she just doesn’t know how to write.

She’s taken the test almost every working day since 2005. Sure beats working.

She’s taken the test almost every working day since 2005. And on public holidays she just fails her own tests at home.

The 68 year old sells food and household items door to door from a handcart, but her dream is to be a truckie.

She’s been failing her driving tests while earning a living selling food and household items door to door. But her dream is to fail tests professionally. / for a living.

It’s not like she’s dumb. Although we don’t know her exact IQ, as she failed the intelligence test.

She can take heart that it’s suddenly become news after her 771st attempt. Why 771? I reckon she must be getting close.

It’s suddenly become news after her 771st attempt. Clearly, it’s pretty normal for South Koreans to try about 700 times.

She’s failed the written component 771 times. But her reverse parking is coming along OK. / But you should see her hook-turn!

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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