12 hours notice required for sick leave (The Glass House 12/7/06)

The IR laws continue to cause a stink, with 21 year old mining worker Lorissa Stevens being sacked for refusing to sign an AWA. The mining company’s furious – if only she’d signed the AWA, they could have sacked her for no reason instead…

She was sacked from the mining job, which means her chances of a million-dollar-deal with Eddie McGuire are nearly zero. Unless she gets somehow trapped in a dole office…

Her employer threatened her that if she didn’t sign the AWA, she would never work in the mining industry again. And that would mean giving up her dream of being interviewed by Tracey Grimshaw. Unless – she took her story to the media! The girl’s a genius.

One of the conditions of the AWA that Stevens refused to sign was that she had to give 12 hours notice of any sick leave or she could be fined and have pay docked. She’s got to plan her illness in advance? Yeah, that’s going to really reduce the amount of phoney sickies…

At least if you’ve notified the boss about your sickie twelve hours beforehand, you don’t have to fake the symptoms…

“Hi, yeah, I’m going to be sick tomorrow. What have I got? Oh, I dunno, what about typhoid? No – make it malaria!”

One of the conditions of the AWA that Stevens refused to sign was that she had to give 12 hours notice of any sick leave or she could be fined and have pay docked. And anyone who hasn’t actually keeled over at work the previous day will have their sickie treated with great suspicion.

If you actually get better overnight, it’s too bad: you’re booked in as sick – stay home or lose your job!

So if you get a brain haemorrhage or break your back after 9pm, you’d better still show up the next day. Don’t worry though, you can have the day after off. No-one can say we’re not fair!

And woe betide anyone who gets run over on their way to work – that’s grounds for instant dismissal.

Having to give 12 hours advance notice for our illnesses isn’t that bad – it just means we need our viruses to be more organised.

You get fined 200 bucks for being sick – how much do you get fined if you die?

According to ACTU secretary Greg Combet, the Howard Government has urged big business to delay introducing the “harsher side” of the new IR laws, so it won’t be till after the next election that we’ll get the public floggings.

But really, these harsh new IR laws won’t deter voters – everyone loves a good public flogging!

The PM has apparently urged big business to go easy on the IR changes. Yeah, don’t sack everyone at once! It’s much more enjoyable if you savour each individual life you CRUSH.

The laws are good for the labour market. It doesn’t really matter if you get sacked, because you can just go get sacked somewhere else.

To make the AWAs more appealing to the general public, being sacked is now called being “turkeysacked”.