German researchers have statistically broken down the average human life. The average person spends a total of 24 years sleeping, 7 years working, and 2 years doing pointless research.
The research found that we each spend nine months doing housework. So better do it now, or you’re going to spend the last nine months of your life ironing.
Nine months travelling to and from work, 16 hours having orgasms, and 12 years filling in SURVEYS!
We spend six months on the loo and the same time in traffic jams. Well, not the same time. Although that would give us more time for orgasms.
16 hours having orgasms. Phew. No wonder I spend 24 years sleeping.
More traditional pastimes like reading and playing games formed no part of the study. Unfortunately that means no-one can read the study results…
We spend 12 months at the movies – well, it takes that long to get through the Directors’ Cut of the Lord of the Rings.
We spend 4 months playing computer games. Yeah, but there’s this really tricky bit at the end of level 13… / That Pacman is so addictive…
We spend 5 years eating, and 7 months getting fit. This is why we are so very very fat.
Of course, these are German statistics; that explains the 3 years spanking each other, 8 months eating faeces, and 4 weeks having sex with pigs.
Of course, these are German statistics. You have to double the figures for all other countries: no one else is so efficient.
The Australian results show that we spend 14 years drinking beer, 6 years watching footy, and 4 months shouting “oi oi oi”.
Australian men spend a total of 16 hours orgasming, and up to 12 hours having sex.
And the average Australian spends 4 years in mandatory detention.
You only get 16 hours of orgasms. And you Glass House fans have already spent 100 hours watching us. Priorities people!
People spend up to 9 months playing with their children. But once they’re born, they’re on their own.
We also spend two months praying. And the rest of the time sinning our arses off.
