A cow from 1937 is said to be responsible for the Iraq war now. According to George Bush, the cow has been “concealing weapons of mass destruction” and has “undeniable ties to al Qaeda”. Apparently the cow’s hiding out in Tehran; we’ve got no choice but to bomb the bejeezus out of it.
The Coalition of the Willing have renamed themselves The Coalition of the Willing to Blame Anyone Or Anything But Ourselves… Even A Dead Cow.
The cow, known only as Osamoo, is now hiding in a cave somewhere, hooked up to a milking machine…
Not only did the 1937 cow start the war, she is apparently continuing to coordinate a wave of suicide bombings…
The US exported samples of the anthrax to Saddam during Iraq’s 1980s war against Iran. Because back then it was considered all the rage to give weapons of mass destruction to brutal dictators and dangerous madmen. Those 1980s fashions are so embarrassing today.
It turns out that the biological weapons that the US sold Saddam in the 80s actually came from a lab in Berkshire England, who isolated the anthrax from a dead cow, who caught the disease from contaminated bones from Southern Rhodesia. So now the US is invading Southern Rhodesia…
The anthrax is thought to have travelled from Southern Rhodesia to a farm in Oxfordshire, via Oxford University Virginia, from where it was sent on to Iraq. Now thanks to all the Fly-buys it can get a free infestation anywhere in the world!
The revelation is one reason the US is now preparing exit strategies. “We were able to deal with Saddam easily,” said a military chief. “But this cow’s just too smart!”
The cow has been ignored for so many decades due to a failure in cow-nter-intelligence…
The infection in the cow’s ear led to Saddam’s bioweapons; apparently the infection in the udders led to Skinny Milk.
The bovine anthrax was isolated by Professor R.L. Vollum in the 1930s and is named after him. It’s called Roger.
The ear contained anthrax, metallica, and small traces of megadeth…
The US are setting up a new compound in Cuba to detain anthrax-spreading cattle: the Guantanamo Dairy.
Since the cow is now known to be behind the war, the Coalition have now put him in charge of fixing up Iraq. Well, it couldn’t do a worse job…
“All this time we thought it was Saddam! But this cow was the real tyrant. Saddam was just a puppet of its cowly evil.”
“This beast has the stomach for evil… and three others for neutral.”
Still, at least we can finally understand Dubya’s motivation for going to war… they knew the anthrax came from a cow, so it must’ve been the Butcher of Baghdad!
“I mean, I knew I had a beef with the Butcher of Baghdad… he’s got so much at steak! Holy Cow! Will the terror heifer end? Enough of the bull! These cow-ardly acts are an udder disgrace… moo!”
