Bob Dylan is in negotiations to voice a satellite navigation system. Every journey is like a whole new Dylan album!
It’s just like a Dylan album, but without the pretence of melody, instrumentation or arrangement. / the pretence of songwriting. / the pretence of actually being able to sing, play harmonica, or write sentences that actually mean anything.
But be careful – he might give you wrong directions near railway lines, resulting in blood on the tracks.
Well, I guess it’s better than getting Ozzy Osbourne. / Brian Johnson. / Tom Waits.
Of course, he’d also be great for weather reports. Whether it’s a hard rain or just blowing wind.
In between each direction, you get a blast of deranged harmonica, as an encouragement to take a twistier route.
It’d be the perfect voice to hear if you drive like a rolling stone, are travelling all along the watchtower, or are speeding along in the fast lane lady lane.
But do you really want to take traffic directions from someone who wrote a song called “Ninety Miles an Hour Down a Dead End Street”?
Trouble is, he keeps steering you down to Desolation Row.
He’s also perfect for announcing the start and end of daylight savings. Because the times they are a-changin’, by one hour.
Well, at least giving Dad Dylan on his GPS is a change from having to keep listening to his albums.
It’s perfect if you find directions like “Take the next left” a little boring. Wouldn’t you rather hear “Ride the chrome horse with your diplomat, who carried on his shoulder a siamese cat, just past the Hungry Jacks”? I think it means “go straight”. / “take the next left”.
It’s great if you find directions like “Take the next left” a little straightforward. “Turn where the one-eyed midget keeps the blind commissioner locked in a leather cup”. I think it means “go straight”.
Of course, if you want directions, you don’t really want to spend your entire drive trying to work out what they REALLY mean.
“He steers just like a woman,
He veers just like a woman,
He gear-changes just like a woman,
But he gives directions like a little girl.” / rides the clutch like a little girl.” / beers like a drunken bloke.”
Well, if it’s not bad enough he went electric, now he’s going automatic! / electronic!
But some of his old-school fans have called him Judas, saying he should only ever voice acoustic navigation systems. / navigation systems for horse and cart.
It’s only right that he gets a job speaking. Coz he sure can’t sing.
