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Lunatics driving like politicians (GNW 31/8/09: monologue)

In the last two and a half years, federal politicians’ cars have copped 314 speeding fines, 184 parking tickets, and have been involved in 232 car accidents. Good to see that little things like traffic laws aren’t going to stop them passing legislation!

Sure they drive recklessly – sometimes, legislation just can’t wait!

Our politicians drive like lunatics, but fair enough – most of the time they’re off their faces.

Of course, most of the hooning occurs in Canberra. I mean, what else is there to do there?

But of course our politicians are giving their official cars an absolute thrashing. It’s the political equivalent of a hire-car!

Well, at least now we know they’re real Aussies.

But it’s not that they’re bad drivers – they’re just hoping all their fines will help out the economy. / they’re just trying to help out the economy by raising a bit of revenue through all the fines. See – they’re doing it for us!

“But officer, I’m about to give birth to a new stimulus package!”

Ah, our politicians. They can drive just as quickly as they can change their position on unpopular policies.

Well what better way to test out the laws than to break them?

Politicians failed to pay road tolls 477 times. They probably figured they’d just chip in at the office. / They figure they give the states enough money as it is.

On average, politicians have had more than one fender-bender each in the last two and a half years. But they do try to make sure that they only hit voters from the other side of politics.

Although, in Canberra, you’re considered hooning if you proceed into a crescent any faster than walking pace.

And you should see them fang it when they’re driving their free ute! NYEEEOOOOWWW!

Those pollies sure know how to burnout! / chuck a doughie!

It’s the high-octane world of Parliament that does it to them. You should see them cross the floor — VROOOOM!

It’s a fine-based economic recovery!

The politicians say that if they pay enough fines, we’ll soon be back in surplus!

Of course, being a politician is about much more than just breaking a few road rules. There’s also the rampant corruption – oh, and don’t forget the sexual perversion!

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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