A New Zealand man has been found guilty after calling police to falsely claim he was being raped by a wombat. The case was tried in a Kangaroo Court.
A New Zealand man has been found guilty after calling police to falsely claim he was being raped by a wombat. In actual fact he’d led the wombat on.
A New Zealand man has been found guilty after calling police to falsely claim he was being raped by a wombat. In fact, the guy was trying to blackmail it.
A New Zealand man has been found guilty after calling police to falsely claim he was being raped by a wombat. It was actually a potteroo. / quokka. / spotted quoll. / pig-footed bandicoot.
A New Zealand man has been found guilty after calling police to falsely claim he was being raped by a wombat. The wombat was actually just roughing him up for a syndicate of pig-footed bandicoots.
The wombat is now taking the guy to court for defamation.
The man called again cancelling the plea for help: it turned out he quite liked it when the wombats get a bit rough. / it turned out he likes a bit of rough treatment from his marsupials after all.
The call turned out to be fake. And he probably wasn’t really fondled by an emu either. / And that bandicoot probably didn’t really sell him drugs!
The wombat said he was askin’ for it, wearing that skimpy little reverse-facing pouch.
Those wombats! They’ll bang anything with a reverse pouch.
Those wombats! If it’s got a hole, they’re into it.
Of course, this is typical wombat behaviour. A wombat eats roots, shoots and leaves.
The New Zealand man called back to cancel the call, saying it was okay, it was actually just another sheep. / it wasn’t a wombat, it was a sheep.
This isn’t the first time Arthur Ross Cradock has been involved in animal crime. Last year he called up about a Dingo Drive-by, three cases of Koala Fraud, and a child-pornography ring run by Emus.
Surely a rogue wombat in New Zealand is sus to begin with. They’re not known for their daring zoo breakouts.
Hey, it’s a plausible story. The wombat could have broken out of a zoo, broken into his house, snuck up behind him, leapt on him, knocked him to the ground and started humping him so hard that he couldn’t move. Oh yeah, it knocked the phone over next to him too.
Apparently when a wombat wants a piece of human arse real bad, it can move at speeds of up to half a k!
The real tragedy is that his call took up valuable emergency services time during which someone else died from actual wombat-rape.
He didn’t mean to cause a fuss, he just needed to practice his “raped by a wombat” impersonation.
He called back saying that it wasn’t true, it was just a fantasy.
The man called back to retract the claim, saying he was alright “apart from speaking Australian now”. I get it! Being raped by a wombat changes your accent! The man’s a comedy genius! / / Gotta say, it’s on a par with Matt Tilley’s Gotcha Calls. / Get this man his own breakfast show!
He has a habit of prank calling the emergency line. Turns out he didn’t really need the fire brigade for his lit farts and he also never needed that urgent walrusectomy.
The man, Arthur Ross Cradock, is 48 and not 13 like you probably thought.
There’s nothing to relieve the boredom like calling the emergency services with a marsupial rape story.
The police prosecutor told the court that alcohol played a large role in the man’s life. And wombats can sense when you’re pissed. / It was only a hallucinatory wombat. / It was actually his wife – the alcohol had made her look more attractive.
The man pleaded guilty to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. Under that charge, Gotcha Calls could see Matt Tilley put away for life!
The man was charged with using a phone for a fictitious purpose. It’s about time they made lying on the phone illegal.
The man was charged with using a phone for a fictitious purpose. So watch out, every time you use a phone now is like being on an episode of Moment of Truth.
