Defence Minister Joel Fitzgibbon has ordered military chiefs to immediately open bases to work experience kids. He’s sick of making his own coffee.
After all, Fitzgibbon’s still a work experience Defence Minister.
The work experience kids will be given jobs like making coffee, filing, and photocopying top secret information for the Russians.
How are we going to attract young people into the military if they don’t get a chance to do photocopying and filing for five bucks a day?
Military chiefs have rejected the notion that school-aged kids should be allowed to do work-experience in the defence forces. They should just enlist like everyone else. / It’s not nearly as effective as conscription.
Military chiefs have told the Government the plan would be dangerous, with defence personnel too busy to nursemaid students. The Minister suggested that can be solved by taking on more work experience kids as supervisors.
Of course, kids would be keener to join the military if they could actually blow shit up.
As well as top quality work experience, the military can also provide kids with top quality near-death experience.
And instead of the traditional naval “sump up the rump”, for school-kiddies they use Ribena.
For some reason, more people want to join the military during peacetime than in times of kill-or-be-killed.
For some reason, more people want to join the military during peacetime, and not when they’ll be sent off to die on the other side of the world for something they really don’t believe in.
For some reason, Generation Y doesn’t want to die supporting the illegal invasion of a broken country just to protect big businesses and their lust for oil. What is wrong with kids these days!? / (shake head) Kids these days.
Even Fitzgibbon’s eldest teenage daughter spat back his idea of her joining the navy. Just what you’d expect from a namby-pamby Labor household. / So he had her court-martialled. / So he keelhauled her and tied her to the mizzenmast.
Fitzgibbon’s suggested to his eldest daughter, who’s studying nursing, that she join the navy, but she refused. For some reason she’s more into saving lives than blowing them away.
Fitzgibbon doesn’t see why the defence forces aren’t just as capable as other big businesses at exploiting youngsters.
Perhaps the work experience kids could work on building an advertising campaign with some sort of appeal.
We do urgently need an injection of youth into the military, they need someone to change the other soldiers’ colostomy bags. / someone to replace all the dead and disfigured.
The work-experience kids’ main role will be to run ahead of the tanks, checking for landmines.
Unlike school cadets, the work experience kids would not get to fire weapons, unless they bring their own.
Unlike school cadets, the work experience kids would not get to fire weapons. But they do get to press the big red buttons marked “fire”. / But they do get to push the big red buttons. / But they do get to help with the torturing.
Generation Y are turning away from the military, what with all those fancy “non-life-threatening” career options available these days.
The idea of military work-experience has gotten many students very excited, especially Abdul Nacer Benbrika’s. / Abu Bakar Bashir’s. / Osama bin Laden’s.
Generation Y isn’t keen on spending six months at sea, unless there’s an XBox. / unless they’ve got Facebook.
Not all of Generation Y are against military service. Emo kids are keen to join up – it’s a whole new world of potential self-harm.
I would’ve thought the military would love the scheme. Next time they illegally invade somewhere, they can blame the work experience guy.
Mr Fitzgibbons said that the armed services need to overcome certain “cultural barriers”, like blocking women from senior jobs, sending negative signals to people who have migrant backgrounds, and not letting schoolchildren throw their lives away fighting a foreign war that really has nothing to do with them.
