Tues, April 15
In Adelaide, the Water Down Under 2008 conference will discuss rainfall modelling, stochastic hydrology and who left the tap on.
10 years since Pol Pot died, and they’re still searching for his henchmen, Sammy Saucepan and Frankie Fondue Set.
Wed, April 16
Robert Downey Jr. will be in Sydney to attend the premiere of his new starring role as “Iron Man”. So if you’ve got any crumpled shirts, make sure you corner him with them.
On Wednesday, Robert Downey Jr. will attend the Sydney premiere of his new film “Iron Man”, which also features Iron Man’s new Aussie sidekick, “Fabulon”.
Robert Downey Jr. will be in Sydney to attend the premiere of his new starring role as “Iron Man”. You should see him flatten out the evil Wrinkly Shirt-man.
Thurs, April 17
The Environment Ministers’ meeting in Melbourne will discover that the best way to save the planet is by cutting down on Environment Ministers.
Victoria Beckham turns 34, which is 65 in talentless slag years.
Fri, April 18
Wayne Carey to face U.S. court on assault charges, and the Prosecution will appoint Andrew Denton to grill him.
Suri Cruise turns 2 – in human years.
Suri Cruise turns 2, which is 19 in Xenu-years.
Suri Cruise will turn 2, which is quite old enough to see through all that Scientology bullshit.
State & Federal Health Ministers will find themselves locked out of their annual conference when they don’t have the right chip embedded in their arm.
Sat, April 19
2020 Summit will be held in Canberra, before they realise it’s 12 years early.
Next Saturday sees the start of the 2020 Summit. Which I guess means it’ll run for 12 years.
A thousand of Australia’s best and brightest will attend the 2020 Summit, while a thousand of the worst and dimmest will piss on Parliament House.
It will be 24 years since Governor-General Sir Ninian Stephen declared “Advance Australia Fair” the official national anthem. He’s still trying to find another use for the word “girt”.
Saturday marks 24 years since “Advance Australia Fair” was declared our national anthem. Of course, back then, “girt” was a common word.
The 65th anniversary of LSD will be commemorated by simultaneous global flashbacks. Woo!
On the 65th anniversary of LSD, trippers trying to avoid prosecution will take their lead from American smokers, and describe themselves as actors in a play, but will unfortunately confuse realities and end up living the lives of their characters… who will then be prosecuted for drug use.
Mon, April 21
Doritos will withdraw their sponsorship of the 2008 ASTRA Awards when it turns out they’re about cable TV and not outer space beings.
Queen Elizabeth II turns 82. In any other job she’d be considered well past it and probably senile. Head of state – not a problem.
Queen Elizabeth II turns 82, which makes her far too old to fill any position except for head of an empire.
On Queen Elizabeth’s 82nd birthday, senility will finally take hold, resulting in a rash of beheadings.
Queen Elizabeth II will turn 82, and celebrate by killing off Camilla. Hooray!
Queen Elizabeth II will turn 82, and celebrate by employing some German chefs to cook her blood puddings made from Camilla. Delicious.
