A new advertising campaign is asking Australians to stop eating steak in order to combat global warming. Or if they have to eat steak, make it a solar-powered steak.
Every cow produces 300 litres of methane every day. And I thought wind power was supposed to be the solution!
So it’s either eat less meat, or breed a cow that can’t fart. / or invest in a lot of corks.
And it’s even worse if you try to cork up the cow farts. Exploded steak can be real chewy. / is only good for casseroles.
We should cork the cows up. Not only does it stop the cows farting, but you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced the tender deliciousness of exploded beef.
Every cow produces 300 litres of methane a day! That’s why they have four stomachs – three of them are dedicated full time to farting.
Not only do cows create a third of the world’s greenhouse gases, but cud is the central ingredient in Agent Orange. / napalm. / cud-bombs.
Nearly a third of all greenhouse gases come from cows, and, more specifically, cow burps. So climate change can be prevented by simply raising more polite bovines. / by teaching cows to be more polite. / by getting cows to take lessons in basic etiquette.
Cows create nearly a third of the world’s greenhouse gases. The other two thirds is caused by pelicans. Hard to believe, I know.
Methane is 25 times more potent as a greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide, so whatever you do, switch off the cow at night. / so please, if you’re not going to be using it for a while, always switch your cow to standby.
A spokesman said a vegetarian driving a Hummer was more eco-friendly than a meat-eater on a bicycle. And more likely to survive the crash.
A spokesman said a vegetarian driving a Hummer was more eco-friendly than a meat-eater on a bicycle, unless the vegetarian was wearing leather. But if the vego was also wearing leather, it might balance back up again, unless the vego’s leather was free-range and the meato was drinking fair-trade coffee – depending on the brand of bike and how inflated the tyres were.
A spokesman said a vegetarian driving a Hummer is more eco-friendly than a meat-eater on a bicycle. But a meat-eater driving a Hummer smoking a Cuban cigar and doing burnouts, is more eco-friendly than a vegetarian clear-felling the rainforests and setting fire to dolphins.
A spokesman said a vegetarian driving a Hummer is more eco-friendly than a meat-eater on a bicycle. And a cow driving a Hummer would not only be environmentally irresponsible, but a lot more dangerous for other motorists. (It’s notoriously difficult to change gears with hooves.)
A spokesman said a vegetarian driving a Hummer is more eco-friendly than a meat-eater on a bicycle. Sales of Hummers have now gone way up…
Basically, methane emissions from cattle are an overwhelming factor in the greenhouse effect. But outside the atmosphere, these methane emissions will have no effect – so one plan is to breed cows in orbit. Or even better, on the moooooon.
Many people may not believe that cows add to the greenhouse effect, but it’s udderly true.
Meat-eaters have defended themselves, saying that the only reason they kill and eat cows is to try to stop them from producing so much damn methane.
So cows are to blame for global warming! I say that the only way we can stop these environmental vandals is to kill them and eat them.
Every cow produces 300 litres of methane a day. Instead of killing them and eating them, we really should be using them to run our cars! / using them to cook with! / using them to heat our homes! / plugging them in.
Every cow produces 300 litres of methane a day. But then grass can be very spicy.
So expect that, as well as warnings about UV levels and smog alerts, the weather chart of the future will feature the current levels of beef pollution. / beef-pollution warnings.
The ad is being produced by a spiritual group, who aren’t blaming farmers or the meat industry. They’re blaming cows for being so delicious.
The ad is produced by the Supreme Master Ching Hai Association, who are in no way a cult. Their Supreme Master says so.
The ad is produced by the Supreme Master Ching Hai Association, who are in no way a cult, dedicated to global bovine liberation and the coming Cowpocalypse, when cattle shall rule as kings, with iron hooves and the brutal tyranny of beef! So, yeah, uh, don’t worry about it…
