Federal MPs may be forced to trade in their luxury Holden Statesmen for green-friendly hybrid Toyota Priuses. Not only will it make the government appear to be personally committed to tackling climate change, but it stops them from getting spat on by Ford barrackers.
As further proof of their commitment to reducing greenhouse emissions, from now on all ministers are going to be solar-powered. / are going to have to keep their mouths shut.
Not only are they being asked to trade their luxury cars for vehicles that are more ecologically-responsible, but they’re being forced to swap their chauffeurs for polar bears.
It’s not fair that pollies should lose their luxury cars for the sake of the environment. They should be riding around in chariots drawn by pandas. / They should be riding around in golden chariots, whipping their slave-pandas to go faster, faster, over roads made from the skulls of the poor.
And they’re being asked to swap their caviar-stuffed lobsters for sandwiches. The cheek! / swap their panda steaks for beef! The nerve.
They should stop complaining. They’re lucky we’re not asking them to catch public transport like everyone else. / to ride a fucking bike.
Senator Barnaby Joyce says that it’s all very well to be environmentally-responsible, but that “we have to make sure that we have an economy at the end of it”. That’s right, the entire economy is resting on what brand of car the government uses. / Yeah, because if we change what brand of car the government uses, our whole monetary system will collapse! / Yeah, the Great Depression was pretty much caused by choosing Ford over Holden.
The Nationals attacked the idea, saying that the Holdens may be inefficient and overpolluting, but they are Aussie as, cobber. / but our diggers died for ‘em, what are ya, unAustralian?
Nationals senator Barnaby Joyce said MPs might not appreciate losing the luxury of the Statesman and having to turn up to official functions in an electric golf cart. Although it’d be great if it was a golfing function.
Nationals senator Barnaby Joyce said MPs might not appreciate losing the luxury of the Statesman and having to turn up to official functions in an electric golf cart. Obviously he hadn’t heard about the Prius idea. / He says they should use Priuses instead. / Unless it’s jet-powered, ooh, and has a rocket launcher, that’d be cool too!
Nationals senator Barnaby Joyce said MPs might not appreciate losing the luxury of the Statesman and having to turn up to official functions in an electric golf cart. There’s barely any room to snort coke off a hooker. / There’s just no room for industry blowjobs in a golf cart.
Holden said that they already had their own green car, but most people preferred the white. / the two-tone tan.
Holden responded immediately, announcing the launch of their own hybrid car. Unfortunately it’s a hybrid with an aeroplane and emits ten times as much CO2. / it’s a hybrid with a Hummer.
Holden responded immediately, announcing the launch of their own green car. It uses the same amount of fuel as other cars, but it’s got a sticker on it that says “Save the Planet”.
Toyota executives were thrilled with the decision, and said they were no less Aussie than Holden, unless you counted ownership and employees.
So there’s next to no funding for the environment in the budget, but MPs are switching to hybrid cars. Sounds like a hybrid government.
The MPs want to be seen to be caring for the environment as they rape and pillage it.
Not only are the Priuses cheaper than the Statesmen, but this way every time the Opposition raises a point about the environment, the Government can just go “But we’ve got hybrid cars!”
They’ll be sorry to lose their leather-fitted Statesmen, but the luxury version of the Prius does come with genuine leatherette.
Kevin Rudd’s had his own hybrid car for ages, ever since he realised it’d help him get elected.
What a terrible policy! Who would want to be seen driving the same car as the government?
The government’s announcement caused a sudden drop in Prius sales.
