Sydney scientists have discovered that locusts are ordinarily shy and only turn into ravaging swarms when serotonin is released when they are forced together, creating a state similar to that a human experiences when on ecstasy. So your average locust is actually a high-cust.
The elevated levels of serotonin makes these pests accumulate en masse, devour everything in sight while making a high-pitched whine, and leave behind nothing but a scorched dustbowl, in what is known as the Rainbow Serpent Festival. / the Big Day Out. / Earthcore.
You see those locusts around the city, clearly off their tits, sidling up to people and asking them if they’ve got any crops.
Sydney scientists have discovered that locusts are ordinarily shy and only turn into ravaging swarms when serotonin is released when they are forced together. Kinda like librarians at a Christmas party.
Not only are locust plagues on ecstacy, but dung beetles are all whacked out on pseudoephedrine.
I knew they were hopped up on something.
Not only are plague locusts unusually friendly, but they’re emotionally open and love to talk about their feelings.
That immense hum isn’t actually the sound of their wings – it’s the sound of a million e-popping locusts grinding their teeth.
You know the Biblical plague of locusts? Actually a top rave.
Although being chemically-enhanced can make it more of a vague. / Now you know the meaning of a locust vague.
I know that when I’m peaking, I always feel like decimating a crop or two.
Look out! It’s a rave of locusts!
Of course, not all locusts are e-ing. Some just like the odd choof.
They wave their legs in the air like they just don’t care – times 6!
And you think a laser show looks good – you should see it through compound eyes! WOO!
So if a locust’s telling you how much you mean to it while it tries to caress you with its 6 spindly little legs, don’t worry – it’s just off its tree.
Locusts in a plaguea re actually e-ing off their tits – or, as they prefer to call it, “e-ing off their chitinous exoskeletons”.
And you should see them swarm if they DO take an E.
And to help with the come-down, they like to decimate a crop of marijuana.
So go on, let ‘em swarm. You’re only young and in plague proportions once.
And just like locust plagues, E’d up ravers can be controlled by heavy use of insecticide.
So the best thing you can do to control locusts is take them off the Prozac.
Increased serotonin flow can also be caused by use of antidepressants. Which you probably need if you’re a locust.
In fact the best way to control locust plagues is to play them emo music. / goth music. / My Chemical Romance.
Turns out the best way to control swarms is to play Leonard Cohen at them until they’re sufficiently depressed.
Locusts are usually loners. Which is no way to swarm.
The real reason the locusts decimate food crops is just that they’ve spent all their cash on glowsticks.
So we should stop thinking of plagues of locusts as bad things, and just pop a few pills and join in the party! WOOOOOHOOOO!
Some of them get so high they go out and get skimpy clothes: the low-cut locusts.
That explains why plagues of locusts always bring their own party mix. / iPod. / DJ.
