A new fake survey has claimed that people want hugs, not flowers and chocolates, for Valentine’s Day. Proving that it is, indeed, a fake survey.
A new survey has found that the most wanted gift for Valentine’s Day is a hug and a kiss. Florists and supermarkets are working out ways that they can charge you for one.
A “hug and a kiss” were at the top of the list, but the only other options on the survey were “flowers and chocolates” and “a poke in the eye with a burnt stick”.
Valentine’s Day is a special day for love, hugs and kisses, not crass materialism and wasting money on expensive food or overpriced flowers. That’s what I’ve been telling my girlfriend for years.
I say, good on you people! Not getting sucked into the whole materialistic sham that is Valentine’s Day. The whole flowers and chocolates, strawberries and champagne, romantic retreats, lovey-dovey, holding-hands-walking-along-the-beach, slow passionate lovemaking… thing. (sigh) I’m so lonely.
Come on, this was not what St Valentine intended when he set up the day and bought shares in florists and chocoletiers!
St Valentine was disappointed with the result. He was really hoping the most popular gift would be “poontang”.
Finally, the cold hard evidence we need to prove that we’re totally justified in forgetting to get flowers or chocolates all these years. You don’t even really want them!
Interestingly “hugs and kisses” also topped the list of most wanted gifts to give. That way you don’t have to go to the shops.
The survey was a little misleading, and most people thought they were selecting the gift they most wanted to give.
“Flowers and chocolates” were the least wanted gifts on the list, although they did leave out some options, like “herpes”.
Flowers were among the least wanted Valentine’s presents, along with socks, handkerchiefs, and the clap. / along with crabs, the clap, and weeping sores that just won’t heal. / along with cheap dinners, fake orgasms, and old Good News Week videos.
Flowers were among the least wanted Valentine’s presents, particularly since the prices are increased tenfold in the week leading up.
Flowers were among the least wanted Valentine’s presents, which is hard to understand. What better symbol of your love could there be than chopped-off plant stems that attract stinging insects, require constant attention and still quickly wither and die? So romantic.
Flowers were among the least wanted Valentine’s presents, which is hard to understand. What better symbol of your love than the dismembered sexual organs of a plant? / than the dismembered sexual organs of a different life-form? / than some amputated and withering sex organs?
Flowers were among the least wanted Valentine’s presents, along with most other bits of dead plants.
Chocolates were among the least wanted Valentine’s presents, particularly among diabetics.
The survey also found that three-quarters of people wanted to be hugged more often. That’d be the three-quarters of them below the chest.
The survey also found that three-quarters of people wanted to be hugged more often. One quarter said enough with the hugs already, I just came here for a quickie.
Three-quarters of all people wanted to be hugged more often. The solution: hug people at random. They’ll probably appreciate it, and there’s at most a one in four chance that they’ll press assault charges.
Of course, the survey has different results with different demographics. Single women said they’d love more hugs, while single men said that while hugs weren’t an issue, they’d love more roots. Couples with children said that they were fine for hugs thanks, but could someone please do a load of washing, unstack the dishwasher, and for god’s sake what is this on the wall it looks like soup.
Flowers were reasonably popular with the ladies, but men mostly said they preferred roots.
Elderly couples were happy with their hugs, and very elderly couples were happy just to be alive.
Young couples had plenty of hugs, plenty of kisses, and plenty of sex, but could they please never turn 30. Well no, you can’t. You’ll be old too one day, ya whippersnapper, and lemme tell ya – it’s not pretty.
Surely if you want to be hugged more often, you should hug more often! It’s not that hard, people!
A “hug and a kiss” were at the top of the list, just above the Dirty Sanchez, the Mudshake, and the Chicken Felch.
You can tell that men didn’t fill in this survey. Hugs and kisses would be waaaay down the list.
The top of the men’s list would be TV, blowjobs, and taking Monday off. Preferably all at the same time.
Hugs and kisses. I thought they were just little appetizers before the main course.
Hugs and kisses were the most popular, given the limited choices offered and the fact it wasn’t specified what hugged or kissed what.
The survey was redone with “sex” as one of the options, and “hugs and kisses” turned out to be a lot less popular.
