Industry figures show that in times of economic hardship, beer sales remain strong and sometimes even increase. Ahhh… there’s nothin’ more refreshin’ than a recession. / Ahhh… it’s the recession that’s refreshin’. / Ahhh… that’s a refreshin’ recession.
Beer sales remain steady during times of market instability, and actually increase to stockbrokers. / to stockbrokers who can no longer afford French champagne.
It’s all part of the natural financial cycle: shareholders lose confidence, sell their shares, drown their sorrows, get filled with blustery confidence and buy back in.
You can get it tradin’
You can get it fadin’
You can get it watching the plummeting of the Dow-
Matter of fact, I’ve got it now.
Not only are recessions good for the beer industry, but it’s the perfect time to be selling heroin. / razor blades. / antidepressants.
Not only are beer sales up, but the snag market is still strong.
Proving that, we might be in a global recession, but we’re still a nation of pissheads.
It’s comforting to know that, even if our society totally collapses, at least there’ll be more violent drunks.
Because, when you’re lying unconscious in a pool of your own vomit, the stock market seems so far away. / being out of work doesn’t seem so bad.
Clearly beer goggles make stock markets seem more attractive too.
Beer not only can console your woes, but gives you the courage to crack onto that ugly accountant.
Because with beer, no-one cares if the bubble bursts. / no-one’s surprised when the bubble bursts. / you expect the bubbles to burst.
Because when bubbles burst, it just makes for a smoother drink. / it stops the head getting too large.
Beer sales don’t tend to climb with consumer confidence either. Because most people don’t want beer with big bubbles.
While beer sales remain impervious to consumer confidence levels, expensive drinks like champagne have experienced a downturn. The bubbly bubble’s burst. / Champagne requires bubbles.
Regardless of consumer confidence levels, the sale of beer remains flat. Better crack a fresh one.
Beer’s the perfect drink for a summer recession: cold, cheap, and mind-numbing. / cold, mind-numbing, and with a free Warnie doll.
Drink enough beer, and there’s no great depression at all!
Aussie beer sales are solid, regardless of consumer confidence. But the more pressing question is, how will they hold up now that our cricket team’s losing?
Beer not only blocks the pain of all the money you’ve lost, it can also distract with a curly trivia question.
The beer-increase isn’t just caused by business people drowning their sorrows – it’s also caused by blue-collar workers celebrating every time one of those rich pricks fall.
While the beer industry is going strong, it’s the economy that is suffering from brewer’s droop.
A great depression calls for a great depressive. (And that great depressive is Vic!)
Beer sales should be able to weather the latest financial crisis. Especially now that alcopops are so expensive.
People turn to mind-altering substances to take their mind off the financial crisis. A share-market crash is a black market boom!
So a little financial advice: now’s an excellent time to get out of blue chip stocks and into addictive destructive substances. Alternatively you could just invest in them.
Clearly, it’ll take more than worldwide disaster to stop us drinkin’. / more than some pissy little worldwide economic meltdown to get between us and our grog.
The overall volume of beer doesn’t decline over a recession, although people do tend to buy more Vic and Carlton and less of that boutique shit with lemons and bendy straws.
Unfortunately the whole thing was a mistake. Some pissed dickhead was just holding the graph upside down.
