North Korea has launched its second nuclear test. Fair enough, why should Pakistan, Israel, Russia, China, Britain, India and the USA have the monopoly on nuclear-armed crazies? / have the nuclear lunacy to themselves?
Good to see that though he may be ill, he’s still Kim Jong.
A couple of years ago, North Korea had agreed to dismantle their nuclear program. But these megalomaniacal lunatics – you just can’t trust em, can you.
We all thought that North Korea had agreed to dismantle their nuclear program a couple of years ago. But apparently they they’d only agreed to dismantle their nook-yerler program. Onya Dubya.
It’s thought that a rising clique of generals within the North Korean regime is behind the nuclear test. Fair enough, if you’re not a nuclear-crazed general in North Korea, you probably can’t afford to eat.
Intelligence analysts believe North Korea is still years away from fitting missiles with nuclear warheads, although Kim Jong-il possibly has a uranium cranium.
Hey UN! I think I’ve found some Weapons of Mass Destruction!
Sure, North Korea might have tested a nuclear bomb, but at least they didn’t test it on Japan… / Hiroshima and Nagasaki. / civilians in another country.
Excellent, the Axis of Evil now have nukes. Game on!
A number of hawkish generals are using the nuclear tests to position themselves well to succeed Kim Jong-il. Non-nuclear advocates frankly don’t look sufficiently unhinged. / megalomaniacal.
It’s thought that a rising clique of generals within the North Korean regime is behind the nuclear test. Well, it’s not going to be a clique of milkmen, is it. / used car salesmen, is it. / window washers, is it.
Some analysts believe that rather than threatening other nations, the nuclear tests are aimed at a domestic audience. After all, they’re so much easier to hit. / they’re the only ones they can actually hit.
***
It can’t be! The Mint is believed to be on the verge of scrapping the 5 cent piece. I guess it is far too light and convenient. / They just hate echidnas.
I think it’s a great idea, and should’ve been done years ago. And that’s my five cents.
But if they get rid of the five cent piece, I’m not going to have anything to disdainfully hurl at junkies any more!
Retailers love the idea. Not only can they raise all their prices to the nearest 10 cents, but they can use all the obsolete coinage to prop up their wonky tables.
Fair enough, we’ll want to get rid of it before we get rid of all the echidnas.
Turns out we’re wiping out all the echidnas so quickly, they just wanted to get rid of the coin to avoid any embarrassing questions from our children.
So start collecting them now – in thirty years they could be worth 5 and a quarter cents.
The ten cent piece will probably think it’s all important, being the new smallest currency, but watch your back, lyrebird.
It’s no point hiding behind your tail, lyrebird – you’re next!
But this is how hyperinflation begins – before you know it we’ll all be wheeling around barrows full of money! Or using credit cards.
I reckon just scrap all the cash money. I want my goddamn implant.
***
The headmaster of an exclusive Sydney private school whose had tuckshop takings of $2900 stolen by armed robbers said it was “extraordinary” that they’d targeted what was “hardly a very exciting target”. (shrug) Maybe they just wanted to pay another month’s school fees.
The headmaster of an exclusive Sydney private school whose had tuckshop takings of $2900 stolen by armed robbers said it was “extraordinary” that they’d targeted what was “hardly a very exciting target”. But if you’re going to use an armoured van to collect tuckshop money, it could be you’re asking for trouble.
Sure, if you’re the headmaster of James Packer’s old school, three thousand bucks may not be a lot of money, but it more than covers shotguns and balaclavas.
Sure, if you’re the headmaster of James Packer’s old school, three thousand bucks may not be a lot of money, but it buys a hell of a lot of mixed lollies.
Tuckshop staff have been told to treat with caution anyone ordering the beluga caviar. / wanting to buy 5000 sausage rolls. / wanting to buy 5000 Sunny Boys.
The headmaster said he couldn’t imagine why anyone would do such a thing, but I’m guessing it was for the money.
The headmaster of the school was away when the heist happened. So he CLAIMS…
That’s what happens when cops ‘n’ robbers gets out of hand…
Man, back in my day, the school bully would take your lunch money one kid at a time.
Next time, they’re going to rob a tuckshop that doesn’t use an armoured truck. Even easier!
It’s a very classy school. Not only does the tuckshop transport their takings via Armaguard, but all schoolyard bullying is outsourced to professionals.
***
Sol Trujillo has slammed Australia for being racist. What a crybaby. If he didn’t want Mexican jibes he should have shaved off the bandito mo. And pronounced his name Soll Trudge-il-lo. / It makes him look like one of Saddam’s lost doubles.
I want to make it clear that we on this show have never once made racist jibes about that enchilada-eating, siesta-loving tequila-breath gringo. Well, not previously.
Rudd famously bid Trujillo “adios” from Telstra. Sorry, Kevin, looks like you’re going to have to rack up another apology…
Of course we’re racist. If a foreigner comes to our shores, we’re going to give them the worst shit-kicking job we can find – like the CEO of Telstra.
But Trujillo pointed out that it wasn’t all Australians that were racist. Just the white ones.
What a sook. Doesn’t he know that it’s not racism in Australia to be slurred and insulted because of your race – it’s just “larrikanism”!
We’re not racists. We’re just a bit retarded.
The trouble is, he didn’t know that in this country we call racial slurs, unwarranted cruelty, and personal attacks “a sense of humour”.
Come on, if we were going to be racist we would’ve called him American.
Well, maybe we are racist. Or maybe you’re just an incompetent boob. See, we can be sexist too!
But we were wrong to make fun of Sol’s Mexican heritage. We should’ve been making fun of his pathetic money-grubbing, his nepotistic cronyism, and his incredible failure as a businessman. / and his share price.
But we were wrong to make fun of Sol’s Mexican heritage. We should instead have been making fun of his incompetence, arrogance, and inability to laugh at himself.
He shouldn’t complain when we insult his race, degrade his heritage, and pour shit on his family line. Apparently, that’s just how Aussies show respect.
Federal MP Don Randall said that “Sol is complaining that Australia’s a somewhat racist country. The sad irony is that Sol and his amigos brought this focus on themselves.” Great way to not be racist, Don. You might as well’ve said “Sol and his drunken donkey-rooting gringos have brought this upon themselves, and just need to have a few more tequilas and a siesta.”
Federal MP Don Randall said that “Sol is complaining that Australia’s a somewhat racist country. The sad irony is that Sol and his amigos brought this focus on themselves.” He then followed that up with the one about the two spics and a jew.
I can’t believe Trujillo calls us racist. The foreign bastard. / That’s just unAustralian.
Yeah, well, what would a bloody yank know about anything? They’re all bloody STUPID.
Turns out Sol can’t take a little racist jibe. Typical Mexican.
Sol says Australians are racist since they kept pillorying him as a Mexican when he’s really an American. He HATES Mexicans.
Sol only THOUGHT it was racist because he’s not a true Aussie. / not Aussie enough.
We’re not racist! We treat EVERYBODY like shit! / We’re happy to lock ANYONE up in detention centres, it’s not based on race at all.
We’re not racist! We only lock up those queue-jumping scum of the earth who throw their children overboard and are probably diseased and terrorists and don’t assimilate and who don’t even know Don Bradman.
We’re not racist! If you know Waltzing Matilda, you’re in!
Sol said that coming to Australia was liking stepping back in time 30 years. If only. Then Telstra would have been merely subject to incompetence by the government.
