An American man has been arrested after beating a 63 year old man at a bus stop with his Anger Management homework. He’s being sentenced to an Irony Management course.
Not only has this guy bashed someone with his anger management plan, but he’s used his criminology homework to rob a bank.
You know a guy’s frail when he can be beaten up with homework.
The old guy’s just lucky he didn’t use his assignment. / essay. / practice exam.
The old guy’s just lucky he didn’t use his chemistry homework. That textbook weighs a ton.
Of course, the fact that his homework folder was made from solid steel and covered in spikes really should have tipped them off. / His homework folder is solid steel and covered in spikes. / His homework folder is the shape of a baseball bat.
When he couldn’t hand his homework in, he used the oldest excuse in the book: “I used it to beat the crap out of an old man.” They always fall for that one.
Not only did he beat the guy up with his homework, but then failed when he couldn’t hand it in. / Not only did he beat the guy up with his homework, but then claimed a dog had eaten it.
Last month a dog ate his homework, so he kicked the living shit out of it.
He would have gotten a jail sentence, but his dog ate the evidence.
Interestingly he still managed to get a B. He’s great with the theory, still getting there with the prac.
The teacher said the violent outburst was unnecessary, but at least it was very well managed.
The course has definitely been helpful. If he hadn’t’ve done it he’d have nothing to assault with. / If he wasn’t doing it, he’d have had to use the crowbar.
The old guy’s just lucky he dropped out of crowbar-studies. / advanced stabbing. / “Deathblows 101”.
It’s horrible being attacked with stationery. Papercuts are the worst cuts! / Ow! Papercuts are the worst cuts!
Not only has this guy bashed someone with his anger management plan, but he frequently uses pages from his anti-drugs handbook to roll joints.
The old guy has now been charged with “hampering the handing in of homework”. There you go, I didn’t even know that was a crime.
Not only has this guy bashed someone with his anger management homework, but last year he poisoned someone with his chemistry exam. / but last year he used his geography project to annex Poland. / but he used his maths homework to steal 5 apples in one basket and 7 apples in the other. / but he used his maths homework to take five away from nine. / but he used his maths homework to calculate the volume of a solid obtained by rotating R around the x-axis, and then used that solid to bash someone’s head in.
But he was provoked. That old guy was clearly an assignment task.
That’s the last time the anger management lecturer gives homework in building your own assault weapon. It really doesn’t add that much to the course.
But he was provoked. The 63 year old victim had said his homework was crap. / the course was useless.
What made it worse was that it was his teacher.
What made it worse was the 63 year old victim was marking it at the time.
The old guy revealed that he was actually the head of department – and that the student had just failed the prac.
It wasn’t really an assault. He just had a novel style of handing it in. / He was just handing it in with an ironic twist!
It was his teacher’s fault. He’d been told to pour all his anger into his homework.
The police tracked him via his assault homework, which he dropped at the scene of the crime. Actually, he threw it away – he had an inkling he may have gotten some of the answers wrong.
The police tracked him down from information in the homework folder, particularly his essay “Who I Assaulted on my Holidays”.
The course requires all homework to be labelled with the student’s name, address and criminal record.
The man faces jail time or possible multiple anger management courses.
