In Jamaica, thieves have stolen a beach. Jamaica Beach? Nah mon, someone stole the sand.
Jamaica has suffered an unusual theft – they’ve lost an entire beach. Hundreds of tonnes of sand has been stolen from a resort, and, three months later, authorities still have no clues – and no sand. Their only lead is reports of a really cool-looking sandcastle being built nearby…
The sand is thought to have been sold to other resorts. Police are looking for resorts several inches higher than they used to be.
The sand is thought to have been sold to other resorts. They’re not using the sand, they just decided to gang up to eliminate the new player.
An estimated 500 truckloads of sand were removed. Police are asking if anyone saw a somewhat suspicious-looking convoy of hundreds of semi-trailers in the area.
What’s even more baffling is that they appear to have done it a grain at a time.
That should fool the whales.
Are they sure it was stolen? Perhaps it fell down the back of the couch.
So all they’ve got now is a gaping hole. / a gaping hole to the other side of the Earth. And it’s attracting the wrong sort of guests.
You’d think a beach would be a hard thing to steal, but the thieves were very clever – they did it at night!
There is some suspicion the police were involved. Or at the very least the coast guard.
Three months later, there’s still no sign of the beach. The deputy commissioner for crime said, “It’s a very complex investigation because it involves so many aspects.” Yeah, they could have hidden that sand anywhere. / Personally I think he’s best off concentrating on the “enormous quantity of sand” aspect – and then the rest may follow.
The deputy commissioner said it’s been a very complex investigation, and if they eventually find the beach, he’d like to lie on it for a month or so.
The resort is said to be really upset, although on the plus side it has reduced the number of shark bites.
Three months after the beach disappeared, the police are still baffled. They would’ve probably gotten further with investigations if someone hadn’t stolen the police station.
The deputy crime commissioner said that there was suspicion that police were involved, due to the large number of surfboards down at the station.
The criminals knew they’d get away with stealing a beach – it was a shore thing.
The authorities may have lost a beach, but several people have now found their lost glasses…
Either someone’s trying to create their own beach, or construction workers need a whole lotta cement.
500 trucks-worth of sand! That’s going to be one helluva sandpit. / sandcastle. / That’s a sandcastle 6 stories tall.
Suspicion was first aroused when locals saw fifty thousand kids with their buckets and spades walking casually away from the beach…
A lot of sand is used in unregulated home building in Jamaica, and coincidentally there has been a recent spate of very large castles with sticks pointing out the top.
The sand is thought to have been sold to other resorts. Police are searching for a resort made entirely out of sand. / shaped like a giant sand castle.
They’ve been trying to retrace the route the thieves may have taken, but unfortunately someone stole the road.
Someone somewhere has some very full togs.
Apparently the problem was just a person with an enormous pair of thongs.
Next time the mafia asks to borrow a cup of sand, give it to them!
Turns out it wasn’t a theft at all, just a high wind.
I’m blaming global warming.
It’s the seashells I feel sorry for.
Maybe someone will steal the Gold Coast and we’ll be rid of Schoolies!
I reckon the beach was stolen by a few locals who were really worried about the upcoming Schoolies Week.
I can understand their motivation. With Schoolies Week coming up, who wouldn’t be tempted to run off with the beach.
It took the Jamaicans months to discover the sand was missing. They all assumed they were just stoned out of their minds. / it was a hallucination.
The Rasta who first discovered it was a little confused: “Hey mon, whahappen to the beach mon? Sheeeeet.”
So now, if you want to recline in the sun with a cool drink in Jamaica, you’ll have to do it on grass. Makes you shudder, doesn’t it.
Authorities fear the worst – that the whole lot has been stolen by a giant cat to shit in.
Authorities fear the worst – that the whole lot has been stolen by a four hundred tonne child to make colossal mudpies with.
But of course, most upset at the theft of the beach are all the sea creatures who, without a beach to live in, have to rent alternate housing. And it’s hard for aquatic life to afford those high-end Jamaican prices.
Worst of all, there’s all these hot Jamaican chicks in their bikinis looking for somewhere to lounge around in. (Shane Warne has offered to help.)
Clearly, someone lost a 20 cent piece, and really wanted to find it.
Jamaican authorities are on the look out for someone called “the Sand Man”…
To lose a beach is such a pity. A sand-pity.
Authorities are currently interrogating Bette Midler. She seems to know an awful lot about Beaches.
