Hundreds of Chinese Australians are being asked to rally and defend the Olympic torch from pro-Tibetan protestors when the torch arrives in Canberra on Wednesday. That’s right, we’re going to have a good old-fashioned protest-off! Grab your popcorn.
The Chinese Australians hope to protect the torch from pro-Tibetan protestors. They’re kind of anti-protest protestors. Unfortunately this means if they come into contact with a protestor they both disintegrate.
More than 10,000 patriotic Chinese are expected in the capital to defend the torch. Yep, that’ll really hose down the tensions.
Having thousands of pro-Chinese demonstrators is one way of making sure this leg of the torch relay makes it onto the Beijing news. The Chinese will be carrying placards saying things like “Respect the Homeland”, “Western Media Lies” and “Hi Mum”.
A letter widely circulated among Chinese Australians said “the China forces” in Canberra are weak, and need reinforcing to protect China being humiliated by “scum” and “running dogs”. Huh, and they say China’s culture is repressive. / See, they really are open-minded and thoughtful!
China is urging its Australian expats to take patriotic pride and defend the torch relay from pro-Tibet protestors, describing them as “scum” and “running dogs”. The protestors, not the expats. They’re described as “traitorous anti-Chinese deserters”.
Organisers are not afraid of Australian Falun Gong groups, because, apparently, Chinese Triad gangs have already “quietened them down”. Yes, with a soothing bedtime story, no doubt. / Because the Triads are renowned for their relaxing lullabies. / Because the Triads really know how to shush. / It’s easy to be quiet when you’re a cold pile of bullet-wounds. / The Triads are famous for their execution-style shushings. / They used silencers. / The Triads often get part-time work at libraries.
A Chinese spokesman said Chinese Triad gangs have “quietened down” local Falun Gong groups. I won’t make a joke, because I hear that those Chinese Triad gangs are just lovely.
Organisers are not afraid of Australian Falun Gong groups, for two reasons: one, the Chinese Triad gangs have apparently already “quietened them down a bit” – and two, THE FALUN GONG ARE A BUNCH OF HIPPIES DOING TAI CHI – EXTRA SLOW!!! What are they going to do? Knock you out with a crane pose? Give you a slow-motion jab to the ribs? Meditate you into submission?
The Chinese protestors think that the Western media is painting a biased picture. What, news media pushing an agenda? Impossible – I would’ve heard about it on the news!
And if there’s anyone who knows about one-sided media, it’s the Chinese.
The Chinese have been angered by TV news footage of protestors attacking the Olympic torch in London and Paris. Damn that biased Western media, with all their “coverage” of “events” that “happened”!
They do have a point. Who else is going to protect these deluded monks from their infantile belief in the supernatural? Sorry, was that politically incorrect?
And if China doesn’t succeed in repressing Tibetan independence, those monks will just keep setting themselves on fire on a whim, in the deluded hope that they’ll be looked after in the next life. I mean really. Just shoot them and give them what they want.
The torch relay was first introduced into the Olympics by Nazi Germany as a show of Hitler’s strength and power. Exactly how a piece of Nazi propaganda is meant to represent China’s goodwill, we may never know. / So China’s really just following a proud tradition. / So China’s actually the first country for a while to really do the torch relay justice.
