And as the dust of the Budget settles over Canberra, we can look at a familiar scene: Rudd’s the new Howard, Nelson’s the new Beazley, and Swan’s the new Costello but with an even sillier face.
Any hope we might have had of a Labor government being green has been dashed by a Budget that has actually managed to make it more difficult to get grants for solar panels. Turns out Peter Garrett can only stand up for his principles in song.
The government abolished the solar panel grant for people earning over $100,000 a year. Because we wouldn’t want to encourage solar power use among people who can actually afford it.
A number of items including the baby bonus and solar panels will now be means-tested. Looks like the government failed the meanies-test.
But the big political story of the day is Nelson vs. Turnbull. When are they going to just take it outside and sort it out in the carpark?
The big political story of the day is Nelson vs. Turnbull. That’s a fight I’d like to see in the ring. Turnbull’s got extra weight over Nelson, but Nelson’s Glasgow Kiss has got a serious forehead on it. / but Nelson’s headbutt has got so much extra head.
I can’t believe there’s really a Liberal leadership battle. It’s like a buncha rats fighting for who gets to be King of the Shitheap. / who gets to stay on the sinking ship.
I can’t believe there’s really a Liberal leadership battle. Isn’t that a bit like people arguing over who gets to be the next Wicker Man? (Sorry, the kids won’t know what I’m talking about.)
As if all the leadership-battles weren’t bad enough, now the Liberals are fighting over whether or not they’re all fighting.
But the big news is STILL Nelson vs Turnbull. Joe Hockey reckons the Libs “need to stop talking about ourselves”. Trouble is, after 11 years in power, it’s the only thing they’re good at.
Joe Hockey said the Libs need to stop talking about themselves, and start talking about stopping talking about themselves.
Joe Hockey said the Libs need to stop talking about themselves, causing a bunch of Libs to start talking about stopping Joe Hockey talking about them.
Joe Hockey said “We need to stop talking about ourselves.” I agree – and first to shut up should be Joe Hockey.
One person not “talking about ourselves” is Alexander Downer, who these days refers to his Liberal colleagues as “them”. But he insists it’s premature to talk about him retiring, as he hasn’t decided which cushy board positions he wants to take up yet.
A leaked Malcolm Turnbull email has suggested he initially disagreed with Brendan Nelson about cutting petrol excise. Turnbull and Nelson disagreeing? It’s unheard of!
All this talk of who supports a petrol excise and who doesn’t – um, they may not have noticed, but the rest of the world is busy trying to MOVE AWAY FROM PETROL ALTOGETHER.
Emails have been leaked, although from whom and for what reason still remain mysteries. And they’re still no closer to discovering who it is that is trying to sell them cost-price Viagra and genuine fake Rolexes.
Well, when you get a bunch of stressed older men together and frighten them, there’s going to be a little leakage.
Turnbull really needs to watch out – fuel leaks can seriously stain your driveway. / are a major fire-hazard. / are liable to blow up.
Poor Turnbull – he’s at the age where a man can expect more and more embarrassing leaks.
Poor old Member for Mayo, Alexander Downer, may be retiring. Apparently, he prefers mustard. / Apparently, Mayo is his least favourite condiment of all. / He’d much rather be the Member for Wholegrain Dijon.
Alexander Downer insists he is NOT retiring, he’s just downsizing his working schedule to a noncore role while de-emphasising his occupational-related- Okay, yes, he’s retiring.
Alexander had said pre-election that, if the Coalition lost, he’d give himself 6 months – and it’s six months on Saturday. But Downer has responded saying that he didn’t mean regular months, he meant non-core months. They’re heaps longer. Honest.
Downer’s started talking about the Liberals as “them”, not “us”. But he insists he doesn’t mean it in a “I’m going to retire” kinda way, he means it in a “they’re all aliens, help me” kinda way.
And, rumour has it, Peter Costello has been sprung using a cardboard cutout of himself in parliament while he sneaks down the pub.
Rudd says they can’t fix 11 years of Howard in 6 months. But he promises to be acting like him within the year.
A tough and compromised Budget has taken little of the shine off our PM though, as he continues to soar through the polls with record ratings. He gleams so much, perhaps he really is Mr Sheen.
And everyone’s doubts about Wayne Swan were obviously unfounded. Turns out he can read briefs prepared by Treasury staffers as well as anyone. / Turns out he can bow and scrape to business lobby groups as well as anyone.
