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Good News Week

Hollywood Kills Romance (GNW 10/8/09: Survey Says)

A study has found that Hollywood romantic comedies have made single men apprehensive about approaching women in bars. They’re afraid that if they get lucky, they’ll have to watch one. A recent study has found that Hollywood romantic comedies have led men to falsely believe that women don’t want men to approach them in a […]

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Good News Week

Kids’ Clothes Deemed Inappropriate By Wowsers (GNW 10/8/09: Blow Up Your Pants)

The Australian Family Association have called for the withdrawal of a range of baby clothing featuring slogans such as “I’m a tits man”, “Wipe my butt, sucker” and “The condom broke”. The manufacturers have responded with a range of kids’ clothes saying “The Australian Family Association suck cock”. But the manufacturers say that they are […]

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Good News Week

Milan cuts down on 11-year-old drunks (GNW 10/8/09: Strange But True)

Milan is trialling laws banning drinking by under-16s, now that a third of 11-year-olds in the city have alcohol-related problems. Ah, Milan, home of fashion, design, and teeny-weeny pisspots. In Milan, one third of all 11-year-olds have drinking problems. 65% are also hooked on caffe lattes, 73% have problems with garlic and tomatoes, while 59% […]

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Good News Week

The Ol’ Pimpics (GNW 10/8/09: Strange But True)

A New Zealand taekwando champion has set up a “high class gentlemen’s club” to fund his London Olympics campaign. Not only does the brothel help fund his taekwando, but is essential training for young women striving for a place on the vertical bar. The martial arts champion says he is the owner of an escort […]

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Good News Week

Good Next Week (GNW 10/8/09: closing)

Tuesday, August 11 Tomorrow’s ‘Australian Retail Awards’ in Melbourne will be on for one night only, so all prices have been SLASHED TO CLEAR! COME ON DOWN AND PICK UP A BAAAAARGAIN! Tomorrow is the Australian Retail Awards, perfect if you’ve lost your tail. (That joke grows on you.) Tomorrow’s Brisbane Lions gala auction dinner […]

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Good News Week

While we were out… (GNW 3/8/09: monologue)

At the G8 meeting in Italy, 17 world leaders faced the tough questions, made the important decisions, and triumphantly emerged with the solution – they would order the lobster bisque instead of the wagyu beef. (Then they went back to talking about all that carbon emissions stuff.) At the G8 meeting in Italy, 17 world […]

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Good News Week

A Lighter Shade of Palin (GNW 3/8/09: What’s The Story?)

Sarah Palin has retired as Alaskan Governor, but is still remaining coy about what she’ll be doing next. She’s got a lot of options: moose-hunter, hockey mom, national President, take your pick! The biggest question is what next for Palin? Will she get a boat, and go sailin’? Or catch fish that need scalin’? Will […]

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Good News Week

Jacko’s missing nose (GNW 3/8/09: What’s The Story?)

A witness to Michael Jackson’s autopsy has claimed that the former King of Pop’s nose was missing. Well, duh. It’s been missing for years. The claims were supported by Jackson’s housekeeper, who said surgery had destroyed Jackson’s nose, and he had a false one. Frankly, that’s ridiculous. False noses look good. / believable. Interesting – […]

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Good News Week

Expensive health (GNW 3/8/09: A Thousand Words)

Kevin Rudd has conceded that his plan to overhaul the nation’s health system will be expensive. But it’ll all be worth it if he shuts up. According to the Prime Minister, overhauling the nation’s health system will not be cheap. But it will be dodgy! According to the Prime Minister, overhauling the nation’s health system […]

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Good News Week

Vicious Dolphin Attack (GNW 3/8/09: So You Think You Can Mime)

In New Zealand, a woman has had to be rescued from an overly playful dolphin who wouldn’t let her back into shore. That’s the last time she goes swimming dressed as a fish. / as a beachball. But Moko was just having innocent fun. She LOVES playing “drown the human”! / “Drown the weak pink […]