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Good News Week

Space Undies (GNW 27/7/09: Strange But True)

The Japanese space agency has developed a new kind of underwear, which can be worn for a week before needing a wash. This is amazing news – undies need washing? The Japanese space agency has developed a new kind of underwear, which can be worn for a week before needing a wash. Pah – I […]

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Good News Week

Bandidos Bambinos (GNW 27/7/09: Strange But True)

The infamous outlaw Bandidos Motorcycle Club is selling T-shirts for kids as young as eight. They also stock miniature Harleys, small plastic knives, tiny little bags of speed. / bags of speed in “fun size”. The infamous outlaw Bandidos Motorcycle Club is selling T-shirts for kids as young as eight. They also offer stick-on tattoos […]

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Good News Week

Good Next Week (GNW 27/7/09: closing)

I’m not sure what’s happening in the week ahead. I think my memory erasing pills must be working backwards. The Japanese space agency will turn their research departments towards developing solar-powered shoes, and hope desperately that they’ll one day have a space program to work on. Things will go terribly wrong when the artificial terrorist-sniffing […]

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Good News Week

Drug-helmet! (GNW 6/7/09: monologue)

An American doctor has invented a device to ease the trauma of sedating children for operations. The “PediSedate” is a helmet connected to a GameBoy or portable CD player that the child can be entertained by while a mouthpiece administers nitrous oxide gas. Of course, it’s not much help to the kids who are scared […]

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Good News Week

Nagging Car (GNW 6/7/09: monologue)

Audi are introducing a new feature to their cars – tips on how to save fuel. Tips include the best gear to be in, not putting your foot on the clutch too early, and avoiding smashing in the annoying bloody dashboard. Unfortunately the power expended in the fuel-saving tips does tend to negate any gains […]

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Good News Week

Daredevil scrooges (GNW 6/7/09: monologue)

A British website has collected extreme money-saving tips from people they’re calling “daredevil scrooges”. That’s right, daredevil scrooges! They’re so tight they risk their lives through anal implosion! Ah, daredevil scrooges. They’d be superheroes, if it wasn’t so damn expensive. / if capes weren’t so expensive. / if saving people wasn’t so damn costly. Daredevil […]

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Good News Week

Graffiti Tourists (GNW 6/7/09: What’s the Story?)

A Sydney-based graffiti crew have been jailed for defacing trains in London after having graffitied in Australia, Japan, Spain, Italy and Germany. And they say graffiti will get you nowhere! / vandalism won’t get you far! Some people tour the world to see the wonders of the world – and some go to tag the […]

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Good News Week

Norman Bates Gets Mum’s Dole (GNW 6/7/09: What’s the Story?)

A 49-year-old Brooklyn man has been charged over impersonating his dead mother to claim her government benefits. At least it wasn’t to have sex with his dad. That would be weird. Footage of the man’s strange behaviour was shown in court, shocking the jury. And the judge shrieked during the shower scene. After the man’s […]

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Good News Week

Gambling Rats (GNW 6/7/09: Clash of the Titans)

Psychologists have trained rats to become successful gamblers, before showing how modifying the brain chemistry could make the rats less rational. It was their only hope of winning back their losses. Rats, left to their own devices, quickly learned to minimise their losses and maximise their profits. The scientists then injected the rats with brain-effecting […]

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Good News Week

Getaway Cruise (GNW 6/7/09: Strange But True)

In Britain, a gang of jewellery robbers have been caught by police when their getaway driver refused to break the speed limit. He may be a jewel thief, but he’s no criminal! Looks like their hold up was held up. Armed robbery is one thing, but speed kills. For his safe driving, he got 5 […]