Coming soon – self-milking cows! Dairy Australia says technology is nearly ready that will allow “voluntary milking”, whereby cows wander into the dairy whenever they choose and get milked by robotic arms. Cows and robots – together at last! Of course treating cows with such respect and freedom is bound to make them much more […]
Author: Wok and Mat
Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.
Tuesday, July 07 In Italy tomorrow, there’ll be a climate change summit with the leaders of the world’s 17 largest emitters. Stinky. / As opposed to the 17 largest-emitting leaders. Tomorrow, leaders of the world’s 17 largest gas emitters will try to hold a climate change summit in Italy, but won’t be able to see […]
Michael Jackson is dead. At least, he’s returned to his homeworld. I don’t believe it! Michael Jackson was alive? Poor Farrah Fawcett. Her death was swept off the front page pretty damn quickly. Let that be a lesson – the place to focus your plastic surgery is your heart. Of course we say he died […]
Iran’s parliament is planning on scrapping stoning and hand-amputation, as they’ve now found far more successful ways of oppressing their population. / as semi-automatic weapons seem to work just as well. No stonings? No amputations? They’re taking the fun out of fundamentalism! From now on, anyone caught stoning anyone will have their hand cut off. […]
Barack Obama has copped flak for taking pleasure in swatting an annoying fly during a television interview. Give the guy a break. Unlike his predecessor, at least he’s not getting his kicks swatting humans. Although thus far he has been relatively restrained in swatting humans. And if the Iranian conflict continues, he may have to […]
And the big news? Utegate! Although anyone who knows anything about utes knows that the correct term is “tailgate”. Although now that the ute’s turned out to be a bit irrelevant the media are renaming it Godwin-Grech-Grant-gate. Great. (Or rather, great-gate.) Will someone please shut the gate on this ridiculous suffix “gate”? Unless the scandal […]
An 18-year-old Belgian girl has claimed that, rather than tattooing three stars on her cheek, a tattooist tattooed 56 stars on her face while she slept. Hey, look, she may not have liked it at first, but a 56-star-tatt is bound to help her if she wants to join Heaven’s Angels. She claims she just […]
Researchers have discovered that a health food store Australiasian honey could actually be a cure-all, killing every type of bacteria thrown at it, even those resistant to antibiotics. Which will obviously be fantastic – until the day someone contracts bee flu. It’s obvious, really. When was the last time you saw a bee sneeze? Unfortunately […]
Tuesday, June 30 The inquiry into the 2007 federal election is due to report: Canberra. Turns out The Libs actually won, and Costello should be the PM! Chose the wrong time to retire, eh. Tomorrow, the inquiry into the 2007 federal election is due to report in Canberra – apparently, not only did John Howard […]
What’s the biggest snack food in Afghanistan these days? Super Osama bin Laden Kulfa Balls. That’s right, we may not be able to find Osama, but at least we can find his balls. Not only are they delicious, but they may have even masterminded the attacks on 7/11. They really explode in your mouth! They’ve […]