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Good News Week

What the news did on our holidays (Good News Week 9/2/09: monologue)

It’s been a typical Aussie summer so far, full of rolling blackouts, melting railways, sharks, spiders, snakes, crocs, jellyfish & foreigners winning the tennis. Only this summer, they won the cricket as well. Oh well. There’s always getting drunk. As Melbourne suffered their worst heatwave in history, their train system completely melted down, causing thousands […]

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Good News Week

No more living in harmony (Good News Week 9/2/09: What’s The Story?)

The Federal Government has announced a tougher anti-racism program to replace the decade-old Living in Harmony program. The new program will be given the more accurate title of Living with Bigotry. / Tolerating Bigotry. / Intolerance of Intolerance. The Living in Harmony day made people feel either that it was either an unrealistic goal, or […]

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Good News Week

Drinking is killing you (Good News Week 9/2/09: What’s The Story?)

The latest report from the Council of Wowsers Telling You Hedonists That You’re All Doomed says that any more than four standard drinks – or two per day regularly – puts you at higher risk of alcohol-related injury. Looks like the nanny state’s been given the keys to the liquor cabinet. The National Health and […]

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Good News Week

Rudd’s enormous stimulating package (Good News Week 9/2/09: A Thousand Words)

Kevin Rudd just can’t stop throwing money at us. It’s good though, those poker machines won’t feed themselves. Kevin Rudd announced a 3.8 billion fund for insulation, hoping to insulate us from the global recession. See what I did there? Kevin Rudd gave up on the whole idea of budget surpluses and decided to see […]

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Good News Week

They always get their goat (Good News Week 9/2/09: So You Think You Can Mime)

Nigerian police are holding a goat on charges of armed robbery, because witnesses have claimed it’s actually a man who transformed himself through black magic. Either that or the guy is still hiding behind the goat. A group of vigilantes came upon some men trying to break into a Mazda 323, but when they gave […]

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Good News Week

Locusts on Ecstacy (Good News Week 9/2/09: So You Think You Can Mime)

Sydney scientists have discovered that locusts are ordinarily shy and only turn into ravaging swarms when serotonin is released when they are forced together, creating a state similar to that a human experiences when on ecstasy. So your average locust is actually a high-cust. The elevated levels of serotonin makes these pests accumulate en masse, […]

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Good News Week

Handcuffs and Poles (Good News Week 9/2/09: Strange But True)

A pair of New Zealand criminals have been involved in one of the worst escape attempts ever, when, handcuffed to one another, they wrapped themselves around a pole. Sure, they didn’t escape, but they won a camera on Australia’s Funniest Prison Videos. The police arrested them after battering them with rubber truncheons and a prolonged […]

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Good News Week

Cocky Raccoon (Good News Week 9/2/09: Strange But True)

A Russian man has had part of his penis bitten off after an ill-fated attempt to rape a raccoon. It was an honest mistake – he thought it was a beaver. But you know raccoons – they’re such cockteases. Of course, it was a female raccoon – he’s no pervert. The guy’s not complaining – […]

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Good News Week

Good Next Week (Good News Week 9/2/09: closing)

Tues, Feb. 10 Tomorrow’s the Israeli election. Vote the right way or else! Tomorrow sees the election in Israel. Hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but you know they’ve always got it rigged so that a Jew will win. Tomorrow, the 2009 Australian Disasters Conference will be held in Canberra, where they’ll talk about […]

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Good News Week

2008: the year that was (Good News Week 24/11/08: monologue)

It was the year: Kevin Rudd apologised to the stolen generations. And Brendan Nelson told us why it was just tough love. Kevin Rudd apologised to the stolen generations. Or as Brendan Nelson preferred to phrase it, the borrowed-with-the-best-intentions generations. Kevin Rudd apologised to the stolen generations. And Brendan Nelson apologised for having to apologise. […]