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Good News Week

Maldivers (Good News Week 24/11/08: What’s the Story)

The new President of the Maldives is going to divert a portion of the annual tourist revenue into a fund to buy a new homeland in case the islands disappear due to rising sea levels. Or if they can’t afford enough new land, perhaps some giant floaties. Or they could just don wetsuits and become […]

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Good News Week

The Rudd Wars (Good News Week 24/11/08: What’s the Story)

Kevin Rudd used Remembrance Day to announce a War on Unemployment. Inevitably, there will be casualties, but at the going down of the economy, we will remember them. Kevin Rudd used Remembrance Day to announce a War on Unemployment, following on from his previously announced wars on inflation, drugs, whalers, disadvantage, downloads, pokies, doping in […]

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Good News Week

Death to the Lipsynchers (Good News Week 24/11/08: Warren)

The Culture Ministry stipulates that artists must not “use pre-recorded songs or music to replace live singing or instrument-playing”. The Chinese Government believes that lying, manipulation and coverups don’t belong in the arts – they belong in politics. / should be restricted to politics. Chinese authorities plan to punish singers who lip-synch for “cheating the […]

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Good News Week

Madonna’s Custody List (Good News Week 24/11/08: Warren)

Madonna has demanded that newly-estranged hubby Guy Ritchie adhere to a strict 12-point list to get access to their sons Rocco and David, including a ban on newspapers, magazines, TV, photographs, meat, man-made fibres, spiritual and unethical toys, meeting Ritchie’s friends and water unblessed by Kabbalah religious leaders. It’s making Guy nostalgic – it’s just […]

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Good News Week

Armless Robbery (Good News Week 24/11/08: So You Think You Can Mime)

Munich police are hunting a man with no arms who walked out of a store with a 60cm TV. That’s what you call unarmed robbery. The security staff were too busy watching out for armed robbers. The man had the TV clamped to him by two accomplices. They would have stolen the TV themselves, but […]

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Good News Week

Foreskins For Fashion (Good News Week 24/11/08: So You Think You Can Mime)

Skin cells cultured from babies’ foreskins are being injected into faces as a wrinkle treatment. They claim that the treatment is permanent, although your face does temporarily get some wrinkles just after you go pee-pee. It’s great if you want your wrinkle treatment to be permanent, or if botulism toxin is just not quite a […]

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Good News Week

Mo guns (Good News Week 24/11/08: 3 1/2 Corners)

Sales of guns are on the rise in the US with Barack Obama’s victory – although that’s mainly just to assassins, lone gunmen, and the KKK. Sales of firearms are on the rise in the US as gun enthusiasts try to circumvent potential firearms restrictions brought in by the change of government. Not that Obama’s […]

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Good News Week

Compulsory Artificial Turf (Good News Week 24/11/08: 3 1/2 Corners)

Due to drought and climate change, the AFL and Cricket Australia are looking for a new kind of turf that both sports can be played on. The most likely so far is something they’re calling “dirt”. / “dead grass”. The best surface for playing cricket on so far is something scientists are calling “the driveway”. […]

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Good News Week

Dark Greens (Good News Week 24/11/08: Giving Headline)

A study has dubbed 4 percent of Americans “carborexics”: people who take their green attitudes to an obsessive compulsive degree. Copies of the study are now available wherever Hummers are sold. So-called “carborexics” or “dark greens” factor carbon emissions into everything they do. Which, admittedly, is very little. Okay, so these people are “carborexic”. But […]

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Good News Week

Flying Ferrari (Good News Week 24/11/08: Giving Headline)

Scientists are working on a flying car! Or as they are calling it, a “plane”. / “the futuremobilicopter.” Awesome name. / “Chitty chitty bang bang”. It’s a great idea to make our cars go up and down. Because we’re not just having enough car accidents dealing with just forward and back and left and right. […]