Categories
Good News Week

Your GPS controls your car (Good News Week 14/7/08: What’s the Story)

The NSW Government is trialling an in-car GPS system that cuts off fuel flow to engines when it detects the driver is speeding. And when it detects another driver is speeding, it automatically flips them the bird. / it automatically honks, flips them the bird, overtakes them, slows right down, gets out, and throws the […]

Categories
Good News Week

Anyone missing a 727? (Good News Week 14/7/08: 3 1/2 Corners)

Vietnamese authorities are trying to find the owner of a Boeing 727 abandoned at Hanoi’s Noi Bai airport last year. I’m thinking of popping over and saying it’s mine. They also want to find the owner of the airport it’s been stranded on. If someone doesn’t own up soon, they’re going to have to ask […]

Categories
Good News Week

Powered by Rave (Good News Week 14/7/08: 3 1/2 Corners)

A London nightclub is about to open which will use the pounding of clubbers’ feet to generate electricity. Of course the most eco-friendly dancers will be those who avoid pirouettes and go the Zombie Stomp. If you want to be really eco-friendly, make sure you bring your jackhammer. If you want to be really eco-friendly, […]

Categories
Good News Week

Telephone Ads Make Hilarious Sitcoms (Good News Week 14/7/08: Odd One Out)

Telstra are thinking of launching a sitcom based on the ad with the father telling his son that the Great Wall of China was used for keeping out rabbits. Huh! And they say Australia can’t make sitcoms! It’s sure to go ahead. They may only have two very vague characters, and 20 seconds worth of […]

Categories
Good News Week

Bushomobography (Good News Week 14/7/08: Odd One Out)

President Bush is thinking of writing a memoir. He just needs to work out what all them squiggly wordy-symbol-things mean and he’ll get cracking. Bush reckons he can do all the drawings if someone can handle the rest. He says he’s always been an avid reader, and he’s read all the classics – everything from […]

Categories
Good News Week

Designer Dogs (Good News Week 14/7/08: Strange But True)

Inner-city Sydney is seeing a boom in luxury pet products due to the rise in households with high incomes, no children and no taste. Many upmarket Sydneysiders are dressing their dogs up in designer clothes, sunglasses, and sometimes even fetish gear. Because upmarket Sydneysiders are, in general, twats. / really, really fucked. Dogs are now […]

Categories
Good News Week

I’m Hot for Preacher (Good News Week 14/7/08: Strange But True)

Organisers are using a calendar of 12 hot priests to promote World Youth Day. Relax ladies, they’re gay – for the Lord. They may be hot, but only for Jesus. Please forgive me Father, for I’m about to sin… The priests know it’s not a sin to pose for photographs. They’ve been telling altar boys […]

Categories
Good News Week

Good Next Week (Good News Week 14/7/08: closing)

Tues, July 15 Tomorrow is World Youth Day, and, if you’re an anti-Catholic protestor, it’s World Youch Day. Tomorrow is World Youth Day, so non-Catholic Sydneysiders are advised to hide in their cupboards. Tomorrow is World Youth Day, where all over Sydney, Catholic priests will be offered their choice of youth. The “Future Of Media” […]

Categories
Good News Week

Shit, More Fucking Watermarks (Good News Week 7/7/08: monologue)

Foul-mouthed chef Gordon Ramsey has caused a stir, with his frequent swearing provoking Senate recommendations for changes to Australia’s broadcasting standards. The new recommendations include mandating that all new digital TVs include parental lock-out systems, which whenever they detect the presence of swearing will replace it with a matronly voice saying “Wash your mouth out!” […]

Categories
Good News Week

Charlie’s Wine Car (Good News Week 7/7/08: What’s the Story)

Prince Charles is cutting his carbon footprint by running his 38 year old Aston Martin on fuel made from surplus English wine. Only problem is, his car is now permanently over the limit. Well? It is a vintage car… Prince Charles is driving his car on surplus wine. He’s got to do something with all […]