In Hornsby, fire rescue officers were called to the hospital to help remove 16 steel washers from a man’s penis. Ah, so that’s what washers are for. He’s obviously desperate for a screw. He had 16 steel washers removed from his penis. But he asked that they leave the rivets in his nutsack. / leave […]
Author: Wok and Mat
Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.
The New Zealand cricket team have unveiled their latest secret weapon: wonderpants! Cricket is such a cool sport. The “micro-shine” trousers are believed to contain a patch of fabric which helps the Kiwis shine the ball. They’re pants with built-in swing! The special pants not only help with your swing, they’re also quite useful when […]
Auckland drivers have been caught using blow-up dolls, mannequins and dogs dressed as children to justify driving in transit lanes. Well? The laws only require cars to have three or more occupants – and now they’re getting all pernickety and saying they have to be human. In New Zealand, drivers are using blowup dolls to […]
The ACT government is considering banning fireworks. What? Next they’ll be banning X-rated porn and illicit drugs! It’s unCanberrian! Lucky they’re not banning drugs and porn, or our politicians would have nothing to do! From now on, fireworks in Canberra will be restricted to Question Time. It’s not a good idea to take away our […]
In Canada, the case of the mysterious severed feet in sneakers just keeps getting stranger. Now the total comes to six feet, or, in Australian, just about 2 metres. The feet keep washing up on Canadian shores. We’ve previously told you of three right feet that had been found on island beaches. Well since then […]
A chain of Aussie hair salons is set to offer walk-in, walk-out Botox treatments. So now there’s no more worries about your new haircut revealing unsightly wrinkles! The walk-in botox surgery will be great for people looking for instant beautification, as well as those just desperately in need of muscular paralysis. Fantastic! Now you can […]
Aussie tourism leaders are hoping the new Baz Luhrmann film Australia will attract tourists to our shores in a similar way that the Lord of the Rings trilogy did to New Zealand. They’re CGI-ing in a couple of hobbits just to make sure. Sure, Lord of the Rings showed off New Zealand’s snowy mountain ranges, […]
Kevin Rudd has enshrined ten minimum workplace conditions in place of the WorkChoices legislation. At long last, what we all voted for: WorkNoChoices! / NoChoices! / WorkChoiceless! Rudd refused to say where his ten “workplace commandments” had come from, but the CFMEU apparently had hired a chiseller. Rudd refused to say where his ten “workplace […]
This week sees the swearing in of the new Senate. The Coalition will lose their Senate majority, the Democrats will lose everything and the balance of power will be held by the Greens, Family First and anti-pokie crusader Nick Xenophon. So while the Government won’t necessarily need Coalition approval now, they will instead need to […]
Police in Vancouver are using cardboard replicas of traffic cops pointing radar guns to try to reduce speeding. And if they catch you speeding, they’ll issue you with a ticket – but don’t worry, it’s only a paper one. They look just like real cops, and have better personalities. They look just like real cops, […]