Troublesome patients are being forced to sign behaviour contracts in order to stay in hospital. In return, doctors have to sign contracts ensuring they don’t give you a liver transplant when you come in for an ingrown toenail. Troublesome patients are being forced to sign behaviour contracts in order to stay in hospital. Doctors, however, […]
Author: Wok and Mat
Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.
There’s a huge boom in children’s etiquette classes, particularly in America. Rude kids? In America? Don’t know where they’d get that from. Rather than cutlery and curtsies, the curriculum nowadays stresses social skills and common courtesy, including handshakes, helpfulness, and when to blow someone away in Halo. Rather than cutlery and curtsies, the curriculum nowadays […]
In South Korea, they’ve cloned seven sniffer dogs. Which is fantastic – dogs are so hard to come by any other way. Cloned dogs are great cloned-sheep-dogs. / at rounding up cloned sheep. They’ve been specially bred for rounding up Dolly. Unfortunately they can only all smell the same thing. In South Korea, seven cloned […]
A New Yorker jailed for murdering a man and burning down his home is suing the county for losing weight while imprisoned. He’s down to 140 kilos and now finds it nearly impossible to kill people just by sitting on them. The jail only serves cold food, and very rarely offers deep-fried lard dogs. / […]
In order to curb one of the world’s highest road tolls, dangerous drivers in Iran are being sentenced to 74 lashes. It’s the 74th lash that always changes behaviour. / 73 just wasn’t doing it. The roads are a deathtrap. Bad drivers can be sentenced to jail or the lash, and really bad drivers are […]
US magician David Blaine has set another world record by holding his breath for over 17 minutes on the Oprah Winfrey show. Well, her audience can get a trifle whiffy. US magician David Blaine has set another world record by holding his breath for over 17 minutes on the Oprah Winfrey show. Now that’s a […]
A Russian priest has claimed he was tricked into giving a sacred blessing to a strip club. He’d been told it was a ballet school, and he even took time to enjoy a little of that modern lap-ballet while he was there. The owners of the bar convinced him that it was a new modern […]
Tues, May 13 Tomorrow is Budget Day! Ooh, I feel faint with excitement. Tomorrow is Budget Day! The day that’s so important nothing can budge it! Wahey! Tomorrow is Budget Day! Pass me a $25 sandwich. Let’s get ready for three days of Budget excitement! Wayne Swan! Brendan Nelson! Tax cuts! Service cuts! Tepid debate! […]
The ALP are selling tickets to sit with ministers at a Budget presentation for $2000 a pop. And they only need to sell 15 million tickets to fund our tax cuts! The ticket to sit next to Brendan Nelson has surpassed all expectations – it’s nearly 3 dollars fifty! Seems like people are willing to […]
A documentary has exposed a vast network of Thai kickboxing clubs for young British kids. There are over 500 clubs throughout the country. Soon it’ll be more or less compulsory, unless you want your child to get set upon by hordes of well-honed kickboxing tikes. So much for pulling hair. And what better way to […]