Chinese officials are banning countries from bringing their own food to the Olympic games. And they’re also insisting that the athletes use only Chinese drugs. / And they’re insisting that countries only use Chinese athletes. Of course, there’s nothing you can get in nutritionally-designed energy-bars that you can’t get in dog. Athletes are devastated. Not […]
Author: Wok and Mat
Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.
While delivering mail, a U.S. postal worker caught a one-year old baby who’d fallen two storeys. She was fine – everyone knows babies like stories. It’s great that she caught the baby. Such a shame she didn’t catch the mum. / But the mum got away. Next time, the baby’s gunna have to try overdosing […]
What is Don Bradman best known for? A) scaring small children B) hitting leather balls with sticks C) hitting small children with sticks What did Don Bradman hit with sticks? A) denim balls B) leather balls C) testicles What was “Phar Lap”? A) a condition caused by too many lap-dances B) a horse C) Phar […]
Armenian priests have kicked a Greek priest out of the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, and, when police arrived, beat them with palm fronds. No! Not the fronds! With fronds like these, who needs rosaries? Fortunately no fists were used – palms only. It’s obviously a freak event. I’ve never heard of one religion persecuting […]
A secret list of hand luggage banned from aircraft will be made public after Europe’s highest court granted compensation to a man banned from a flight for trying to take his tennis racquets on board. Admittedly it was John McEnroe. Tennis racquets were on a secret list of banned objects, along with headbands and 70’s […]
A Scottish artificial intelligence expert believes that by the middle of the century humans will be having sex with or even marrying robots. If they’ll have us. Being married to a robot wouldn’t be so bad. Unless they were set to “destroy”. Robot spouses have many advantages: they never talk back, they never leave the […]
Tues, May 06 The latest meeting of the Reserve Bank will confirm that people think they’re too boring, prompting them to replace the word “Reserve” with “Party Animal”. / rename themselves “Bank In-Your-Face”. Tomorrow’s Reserve Bank meeting will result in another interest rate rise due to inflation caused by the price of Budget dinners. Tomorrow […]
A meeting of Environment Ministers on plastic bag use has ended in a division between South Australia, who want to phase them out, Victoria, who want to impose a levy, and Peter Garrett, who wants to prove he’s no longer a greenie. / who wants to prove that being Environment Minister comes with some sort […]
A meeting of Environment Ministers on plastic bag use has ended in a division between South Australia, who want to phase them out, Victoria, who want to impose a levy, and Peter Garrett, who wants to prove he’s no longer a greenie. / who wants to prove that being Environment Minister comes with some sort […]
A Brisbane man is selling the right side of his face as advertising space and will work for whichever company wins the bid to permanently tattoo his bald head. And I will swear to evermore buy the products of any company that wins the bid and asks him to tattoo a penis. But the guy […]