Robert Mugabe could become the world’s first dictator to be ousted by being voted out. Well there you go. It’s like an armed revolution, only done by voting. / Who’d’ve thought an election could be the perfect bloodless coup? Mugabe’s disappointed: whatever happened to good old-fashioned armed revolution? Mugabe’s disappointed: he was hoping to be […]
Author: Wok and Mat
Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.
Defence Minister Joel Fitzgibbon has ordered military chiefs to immediately open bases to work experience kids. He’s sick of making his own coffee. After all, Fitzgibbon’s still a work experience Defence Minister. The work experience kids will be given jobs like making coffee, filing, and photocopying top secret information for the Russians. How are we […]
Oxfam Australia is giving Melburnians a chance to experience life in a Third World refugee camp in Albert Park. Visitors will be taken through the daily trials faced by refugees, and will never be allowed out. / before being shipped off to a remote island to live the rest of their days in imprisonment. And […]
China wants its army to oversee the Australian leg of the Olympic torch relay to ensure protests don’t mar the event, and just do some minor scouting for an invasion. China wants its army to oversee the Australian leg of the Olympic torch relay. They promise a small-scale presence, with only 3 tanks and minimal […]
Applicants rejected from the 2020 summit’s “best and brightest” panel have voiced their disapproval to organisers. Kevin Rudd said he understood the feelings of those who had been left out. It’s not easy being dumb and crap. I can see the bouncers now: “Sorry mate, not with that IQ.” Kevin Rudd was quick to respond […]
Two German air force sergeants are facing court martials for cannibalism after drawing their own blood to make black puddings. But the prosecution may have a tough time – is it really cannibalism if you’re eating yourself? / is it really a crime if you’re consensually eating yourself? Come on, they were just being environmentally […]
A New Zealand man has been found guilty after calling police to falsely claim he was being raped by a wombat. The case was tried in a Kangaroo Court. A New Zealand man has been found guilty after calling police to falsely claim he was being raped by a wombat. In actual fact he’d led […]
Jessica Simpson is performing a concert for US troops, saying “I am in Kuwait, I’m enjoying all the troops having a blast.” She also said she was having a “suicide bombing of a time”. / a “sectarian slaughter of a time”. / it was “da bomb”! / she was just blown away. / it was […]
Keith Richards says the Rolling Stones didn’t just have “boinky-boinky” with their groupies. Sometimes it was “sucky-sucky”, other times “squeezy-squeezy”, and on one notable occasion it was “sharky-sharky”. Or was that Led Zeppelin? It wasn’t just ‘boinky-boinky’ with the groupies. Sometimes they had sex. It wasn’t just ‘boinky-boinky’ with the groupies; there was also kerplunk, […]
A professor from Victoria University wants thousands of Australian mums and dads to blast their kids awake with a smoke alarm to test their effectiveness. But keep it down, or you’ll wake her own kids. It not only tests the alarm’s effectiveness, it’s also an excellent psychological test to see whether your children hold grudges. […]