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Good News Week

Just shoot me (Good News Week 17/3/08: Strange But True)

A US man had a friend shoot him in the shoulder so that he could get out of work. He really hates casual Friday. Ironically, he’s been fired. / The man has now been fired. Sounds weird to us, but American bosses wouldn’t believe a sickie unless it came with a gunshot wound. Well, it […]

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Good News Week

Good Next Week (Good News Week 17/3/08: closing)

Tues, March 18 Tomorrow, Brendan Nelson will address the National Press Club on behalf of the mumblemumble Party. Tomorrow, Brendan Nelson will address the National Press Club on behalf of whatever party he’s representing at the moment. Tomorrow, Brendan Nelson will address the National Press Club – tickets are still available. In fact, ALL the […]

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Good News Week

Fixed Term Prime (Good News Week 10/3/08: monologue)

Liberal MP Chris Pearce has called for a maximum of three terms for Prime Ministers, to prevent the nation from becoming a dictatorship. Boy, these Libs have taken this Rudd thing hard. The Libs figure the easiest way to get rid of Rudd is legislatively. / Changing the laws seems like the only way they’re […]

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Good News Week

Who you gonna call? Ghost outlawers! (Good News Week 10/3/08: monologue)

China is banning video depictions of ghosts, demons, and monsters. Because the only violent monster the Chinese Government wants to see is itself. Chinese officials have banned all horror video and audio content in the lead-up to the Beijing Olympics. That includes any police interviews. Who you gonna call? Ghost Outlawers! / Ghost Legislators! / […]

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Good News Week

DNA Barcode Scanners (Good News Week 10/3/08: monologue)

Scientists hope within five years to have developed a hand-held device that can identify any animal, plant, fungus or bug from a small sample. Although getting a sample from a bug basically means ripping off a leg. / And the best way to get a sample from a bug is to squish it. Finally, something […]

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Good News Week

If you’re getting crucified, you may as well do it with a harbour view (Good News Week 10/3/08: What’s the Story?)

A crucifixion re-enactment is going to take place in Sydney. Finally, a positive use for King’s Cross. Re-enacting the crucifixion of Jesus in Sydney. Isn’t that a bit like re-enacting the last supper in Sodom? Jesus will be flogged to near-death near the Opera House, much like the last Andrew Lloyd Webber show. / merchandise […]

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Good News Week

Ahhh… urine on ice (Good News Week 10/3/08: What’s the Story?)

Sports Minister Kate Ellis announced a new program where Olympic athletes will have blood and urine tests stored in a deep freeze tank for up to 8 years. Depending on how thirsty she gets. And you should see her frozen poo collection! And after the 8 years, she plans to sell them on eBay. Eventually, […]

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Good News Week

Girly gangs (Good News Week 10/3/08: 3.5 Corners)

In Chelles, east of Paris, police arrived at a bus station to find about 100 girls aged between 14 and 17 engaged in a fierce battle with knives, screwdrivers, sticks and teargas. Several of their boyfriends were nearby, hiding behind their manbags. And you should see the carnage if two of the girls wear the […]

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Good News Week

Spammedburger (Good News Week 10/3/08: 3.5 Corners)

A Swiss company has produced a new food ideal for hikers – a cheeseburger in a can. Well, at least it’s better than McDonalds. Well, your chances of coming across a drive-thru in the forest are pretty slim. To compete, McDonalds are now thinking of offering a new “hike-thru” service. At long last, when you […]

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Good News Week

Hyper-Mugabe (Good News Week 10/3/08: Upcut)

Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe celebrated his 84th birthday at a huge election rally. The bash cost three trillion Zimbabwe dollars, the equivalent of almost $300,000 Aussie dollars when the deal was struck. Although (check watch) now it’s worth about fiddy cents. With his country suffering 100,000 percent inflation, Robert Mugabe has spent three trillion Zimbabwe […]