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Good News Week

A dog of a song (Good News Week 3/3/08: Strange but True)

A song audible only to dogs has topped New Zealand record charts. Not to suggest that New Zealanders are unusually close to their dogs. They just prefer a bit of quiet time. / It’s just a nice break from all the sheep. The song can’t be heard by humans, which is just as well – […]

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Good News Week

Good Next Week (Good News Week 3/3/08: closing)

Tues, March 4 The outcome from latest meeting of the Reserve Bank will be that they’re still a buncha bankers. The Reserve Bank will make another decision on interest rates. Pray they don’t raise them, or mortgage stress will hit hard, and MPs might have to lose the limo. The Texas & Ohio presidential primaries […]

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Good News Week

Libs listening? (Good News Week 25/2/08: monologue)

The Libs are going on a “listening tour” around Australia, to find out what Australians really want. Some would say it’s a little late… / Well, we know what Australians want, and it’s not them. / I think Australians made it pretty clear what they wanted at the last election… The Libs are going on […]

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Good News Week

Mobile Phone Osama (Good News Week 25/2/08: monologue)

Video messages from Osama bin Laden & other al-Qaeda leaders can now be downloaded to your mobile phone. Notifications can be received via alert tone, vibrate or explosion. It also acts as a deterrent for using your mobile while driving. The messages are low quality but are excellent for setting off remote bombs. al-Qaeda is […]

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Good News Week

Paparazzi-free bubble (Good News Week 25/2/08: monologue)

Los Angeles officials are thinking of adopting a law which means an 18 metre “personal safety bubble” must be created around particular superstars, to keep them safe from the paparazzi. And it’s 18 kilometres for paparazzi with a zoom lens. Of course, their therapists and drug-dealers have to stay inside the bubble. The idea would […]

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Good News Week

The Neighbours Effect (Good News Week 25/2/08: What’s the Story?)

British TV producers and linguists are despairing at a new accent creeping into the Queen’s English: Aussie strine. In fact the Queen herself was recently heard to comment “We are not taking the piss.” As the Queen said, “It’s a bloody disgrace.” Englanders are changing their accent, perhaps due to Aussie soap-operas. The major changes […]

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Good News Week

Model Spies (Good News Week 25/2/08: Odd One Out)

Seven models will act as spies and report in other models who have eating disorders or are being bullied. They’ll be like Charlie’s Angels, but without all the kickboxing, karate, gadgetry, explosions and other things that actually make it interesting. / but with four extra girls who just stand around looking pretty. Of course, their […]

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Good News Week

Sir Warnie (Good News Week 25/2/08: Giving headline)

British PM Gordon Brown hopes to revive Britain’s honours system to reward sports stars throughout the Commonwealth. Because nothing would restore the prestige of the knighthood more than giving one to Warnie. Warnie has already put his hand up, claiming that he deserves to be a knight, since he’s already got such a well-polished lance. […]

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Good News Week

Adelaide vs Staines (Good News Week 25/2/08: Giving headline)

The South Australian government has created a new series of ads targeting Britain, with hard-sell slogans like “Sod London house prices” and “Screw working in Staines, hello Adelaide.” The government’s strategy is, if people are going to want to live in Adelaide, they have to be really pissed off first. The South Australian government has […]

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Good News Week

Mouse tattoo vaccinations (Good News Week 25/2/08: Strange But True)

German research shows that tattoos may be a better way of delivering new DNA vaccines than standard injections. Tattooing works by proving to the diseases that you’re really tough. Diseases get scared off by how big and tough you are, so they go and attack a wussier target. This, of course, is great news for […]