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Glass House

Terri Irwin’s Revenge (The Glass House 20/9/06)

A controversial game called “Terri Irwin’s Revenge” has sprung up online. You play Steve Irwin’s wife and shoot stingrays, which fire barbs at you. Every time a stingray hits Terri, she lets fly with a “crikey!” Sure it’s in poor taste, but where else can you set a “croc-bomb” loose to devour a pack of […]

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Glass House

Witch-taxing (The Glass House 13/9/06)

Romanian tax officials are looking to crack down on witches by ordering a census. Witches are outraged. But surely they can just magic up some extra money to pay it? Witches shouldn’t really qualify for tax exemption. Particularly black witches – making a voodoo doll isn’t really charity work. As the Mayor said, “If they […]

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Glass House

Police quiz asks “Are you a psycho?” (The Glass House 13/9/06)

A secret psychological test used by Victoria Police to screen recruits has been leaked via the Internet. The test is used to screen our psychopaths with a series of true/false questions based on the flawless reasoning that psychopaths always tell the truth. Wannabe officers have to answer true or false to a series of propositions […]

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Glass House

Quick officer – to the donkey! (The Glass House 13/9/06)

The South African Minister of Safety and Security has suggested that police officers without access to a car should ride a bicycle or a donkey to crime scenes. “Hurry Constable – to the donkey!” The resource-strapped police force is having difficulty coping with South Africa’s huge rates of murder and rape, among the highest in […]

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Glass House

50 years of TV and this is the best we can do? (The Glass House 13/9/06)

Back in the days when “Big Brother” was in a book, the only “Simpson” we knew had a donkey, and a “remote control” was the Queen, television was born… Aussie TV turns fifty in three days time! And Bert is still the best we can do. TV’s 50 – another ten years and it gets […]

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Glass House

Guilty pleasures (The Glass House 13/9/06)

Music mags have begun discussing “guilty pleasure syndrome”, enjoying songs that you claim to hate. The syndrome’s been around for ages – back in the 18th Century, none of the cool kids were into Fur Elise, but enough absinthe and they’d be all (sing and mime piano) “dodedodedodedooo”… Generally there are three ways to spot […]

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Glass House

Oz’s scariest women (The Glass House 13/9/06)

Men’s mag FHM has published a list of Australia’s scariest women, including Germaine Greer, Naomi Robson and Amanda Vanstone. The list was clearly incomplete though – they didn’t even mention Scary Spice. And Scary Spice wasn’t even on the list. All this time she was lying to us! But Mandy Vandy’s really not that scary. […]

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Glass House

High-rise lifeboats (Trophy cut from The Glass House 13/9/06)

Fears of cyclones hitting the Gold Coast could mean that all new unit blocks could come equipped with compulsory lifeboats. And everyone buying an apartment has to wear floaties at all times. An alternative plan is for everyone to just wear stilts. Why not just build apartments that are boats? You could make them like […]

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Glass House

Monologular jokes for Wil (The Glass House 6/9/06)

JOBBY BONUS The Howard government has offered people in regions of high unemployment a $5000 payment to move to areas with a chronic skills shortage. Howard’s trying to encourage Peter Costello to take up the option – there’s just not that many vacancies in the Parliament House region… A $5000 moving bonus! Move twice a […]

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Glass House

Jumpin’ Jihad Jack & Silly bin Laden (The Glass House 6/9/06)

The federal magistrate who issued the control order on Jack Thomas has described the order’s demand that he not contact Osama bin Laden as a bit “silly”. The order also bans him from contacting Hitler, Satan or Darth Vader. That’s so dumb! If they’d said he could contact bin Laden, we might find out where […]