Categories
Glass House

Rummy warns us of fascists (The Glass House 6/9/06)

Donald Rumsfeld has warned that the US is confronting “a new form of fascism”. A surprisingly honest assessment of his party there… / the Bush administration there. Rummy compared critics of the Bush Administration to Nazi appeasers who wished to negotiate with Adolf Hitler before World War 2. Not that anyone’s actually suggesting we negotiate […]

Categories
Glass House

Oh Scardey bin Laden (The Glass House 23/8/06)

A new documentary reveals that mujahideen used to laugh at Osama bin Laden because he would jump and run away when he heard explosions. That’s why he hides out in a cave – those terrorists are all just so scary. They used to call him a “scaredy camel”. His group was nearly called “al Quaieeeek!” […]

Categories
Glass House

Costello’s Birthday (The Glass House 23/8/06)

Peter Costello has just turned 49. After tax, that’s about 31. Peter spent the day having his cake and eating it too. Peter’s birthday cake was a splendid affair. He even donated a tiny sliver for the underprivileged, before giving the rest to Rupert Murdoch. As a special treat, his wife dressed up as an […]

Categories
Glass House

Blackout Boom (The Glass House 23/8/06)

New Orleans has experienced a baby boom as a result of blackouts caused by Hurricane Katrina. Sometimes it takes a blackout to reignite the sparks. A lot of the amorousness was caused by random fumbling in the dark. “Is this a candle?” “No, baby… but you can blow it out!” Without TV and the internet, […]

Categories
Glass House

Rogues’ Gallery (The Glass House 9/8/06)

– “Let the madness commence!” – Slow and steady wins the race… – Bush blows a whistle to announce the appointment of the new US Defence Minister. – Dick Cheney finally gets a turn in the bunny suit. – Flopsy Cottontail – the next governor of Texas. – Osama bin Laden really is the master […]

Categories
Glass House

Monologue meat for Corinne! (The Glass House 9/8/06)

ASYLUM-SEEKER HOUSING IS TOPS Amanda Vanstone claims new accommodation at Villawood Detention Centre is better housing than many Australians enjoy. Yes – and they’re all indigenous people. / Which just goes to show how bad indigenous housing really is. “I mean, you’ve got security, you’ve got people to cook and clean for you; and just […]

Categories
Glass House

Mel Cartman (The Glass House 9/8/06)

South Park‘s Cartman and Mel Gibson share identical views on Jews starting wars. There’s a simple explanation for this whole thing. When Mel gets drunk he likes to impersonate Cartman. It’s just that the media haven’t seized on the comments about his mum being a crackwhore. After being released on bail, Mel told the officers […]

Categories
Glass House

Drug test pollies (The Glass House 9/8/06)

South Australian Family First MP Dennis Hood has said that if the Government failed to introduce legislation to drug-test MPs, then he would. He’s got one vote already! Hood’s ploy is a cunning Catch 22. If any politicians vote against the bill, he can accuse them of being paranoid! And everyone knows that’s a sure […]

Categories
Glass House

Sue your parents (The Glass House 9/8/06)

An American woman is suing her parents for $183,000 after slipping on their path and breaking her ankle. Lucky it wasn’t her good ankle. Imagine how much she’d be suing for if she’d died. She’s hoping that the $183,000 might be enough to buy herself a heart. Carriel Louah slipped on her parents’ icy path […]

Categories
Glass House

I’m in love with my cow (The Glass House 2/8/06)

A lonely Russian farmer has asked President Putin to allow him to marry a cow. It seems world leaders must be softening on their stance towards inter-species marriage. So long as it’s not gay. “I’ve always dreamed of marrying someone, milking them every morning, and finally eating them in pepper sauce. But none of the […]