The Coalition and the ALP are falling over each other in the race to improve childcare. Peter Costello’s budget abolished caps on in-home childcare, while Kim Beazley promised some free crayons and an apple for playlunch. But no-one’s asking the children what they want. I did a quick survey of two year olds, asking what […]
Author: Wok and Mat
Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.
A survey in industrialised countries has found different nationalities have different hopes for when they retire. The Germans want to play more sport, the French to do some gardening, and the Italians and Spaniards want to do nothing. A little boring, perhaps, but at least you don’t need much money to live out your dreams. […]
A foot fetishist has admitted he tried to kiss, fondle and lick over 70 New York women on the subway over the past three years. He said his motivation was “to make them laugh and smile and open to me” but that when her tried to “taste and touch them”, “some women had kicked me […]
Iran’s president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has repealed a ban on Iranian women attending sports stadiums. That’ll be great – particularly for the women’s events. The White House said that dropping the sexist law is further proof that Ahmadinejad is a dangerously unhinged fundamentalist and must be nuked at once. Ahmadinejad decided to drop the ban after […]
144 Dutch sheep are being used to advertise an online hotel reservation company via waterproof blankets. The sheep are thrilled; as one said, “It’s much better than that soggy old wool I used to get around in!” It’s an old idea – sheep have been advertising wool for ages. Branding’s come a long way since […]
Texan police are going undercover to arrest drunken patrons in bars, since public drunkenness laws still apply there. Now drunks have lost their wateringholes, pub owners are losing their businesses, and bouncers have no-one to beat the shit out of. And Texans are at a loss as to what to do with all the leftover […]
Costello brushes up on his schoolyard taunts. Costello loses again at thumb-wrestling. “Best out of three?” “How much for the little girl?” The new economics teacher seems like a bit of a creep. “Would you like a tax cut, little girl?” Costello selects another victim for the Altar of Blood. Costello selects a virgin for […]
WHOOPS, WRONG CORPSE The parents of Private Jake Kovco were furious when their son’s body was delivered to Melbourne Airport, only to turn out to be the body of an unidentified Bosnian. Mr and Mrs Unidentified Bosnian are also said to be quite upset. Private Kovco’s mother rang John Howard personally and according to Brendan […]
University academics are being recruited as “spies” in the war on terror. They’ve been asked to alert Canberra about any enrolment inquiries from students from countries suspected of having WMDs. In particular, they’re looking for students from countries who have used WMDs. So that’s pretty much just Americans then. So Americans, Indians and Israelites had […]
In the US, they’ve started using robots at childcare nurseries. They’re hoping that by 2012 they can dispense with children altogether… It’s part of an experiment to discover what it takes for machines and humans to develop long-term relationships. The kids are really enjoying it, but the robots are still coming to terms with the […]